The Drive Home
by JulieM
Summary: Mac gives a gift to Harm that is beyond any value. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Mac gives a gift to Harm that is beyond any value.

AN: What if JAG didn't end with FW&FS? If the General had never transferred Harm or Mac and they weren't forced to make a decision regarding their relationship…would they still have found their way back to each-other? In this interpretation, the life at JAG could go on and on and on…Well, you get my drift grin Enjoy, my fellow shippers!

Spoilers: Everything up until 'Death At The Mosque,' until the point where Harm turns Mac away at the hospital…after that, things become quite different.

Disclaimer: JAG does not belong to me. It doesn't matter that the series has finished its run. No, you did not miss the auction they had to sell the rights to JAG, I wouldn't have the money to buy them, anyway. Let's just say I'm borrowing the characters for a little fun and that I'll return them to the proper figureheads when I'm done. No harm, no foul.

Rating M. Adults only! Also, this fic deals with the beautiful relationship between mother and baby. This is certainly not why I gave the fic an M rating (that would be the Harm/Mac snuggly content! (c; ) but if this sort of warm, fuzzy subject matter isn't your cup of tea, I suggest you heed the warning and skip this one… or you could just power through it and pause at the good stuff!

AN2: I will post as often as I can, but due to the hurricane forces within my life, this will often not be every day…Sorry! I'll do the best I can!

Any and all mistakes are mine, I tried to do as much online research into this topic as I could, (although I have a GCSE in child development, so I knew quite a bit about this topic to begin with) but life has kept me busy, lately. Feel free to direct any questions my way. My most sincere thanks go to my fabulous beta, Annette!

OOOO

The Drive Home

OOOO

_Story starts up immediately after Harm refuses Mac's help, at the hospital, soon after Mattie's accident…_

Part 1

Harm sat with his head cradled in his hands as her footsteps faded away. He felt like he had no control over the pieces of his life that were now disintegrating before his eyes. He was powerless, even though he was the one who had sent her away…Since when did he throw away everything that meant anything to him…everything to him? Aw, who was he kidding? He'd always done that…The serious repercussions had only started popping up after Paraguay…He had thought that he and Mac were forever. Sure, he was now back at JAG, but what did that mean to him if he didn't have Mac? She'd never put her heart on the line again, now! Not after this…and Mattie!

Harm resolutely banished his thoughts and returned to the girl's bedside, determined to hold onto at least one of the important pieces of his life.

OOOO

And it seemed as if God had heard his prayers, nearly three weeks later, when Mattie woke up. She couldn't move at all from the waist down, but she was still his Mattie, deep down inside. It took a while for even a hint of her confident personality to return, but when she began physical therapy, Harm had begun to believe that they were back in the driving seat.

As soon as he saw the police officers at his door, the following night, Harm began to feel that sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach, again…

OOOO

It had been over a week since she had heard from Harm. She'd heard through Jennifer Coates that Mattie was awake, but not doing very well at all. Harm, though had not called even once, though she had made it clear to him that she wasn't going anywhere. His attitude that night at the hospital had hurt. Like previous rejections, it had really stung her, until she had put it in context.

Mattie was without a doubt one of the most important influences in Harm's life. He had to focus solely on her, just now. Mac understood that, but just wished he'd seek her help, if and when he needed it.

He had spent months making sure that Mattie would be okay, that she had a dream to follow, that she knew she was loved and well worth the effort and finally that she always knew she had somebody to turn to, come home to, if she couldn't depend on her own Father. He had never stood in Tom's way, but he'd also safeguarded Mattie's welfare, when he knew that Tom couldn't be a father to her, when he couldn't even take care of himself, let alone somebody else.

And Mac had seen the promise in that young girl. After all, she had the perfect role-model in Harm…and now it threatened to be swept away by one unexpected blow. It just wasn't fair. Hadn't Harm been hurt enough in his life? It was no wonder he wasn't able to trust, especially her. She was the person guiltiest of hurting Harm. Sure, maybe that ran both ways, but she still claimed responsibility for the majority and the worst of the hurting. If only she had seen what he was trying to show her in Paraguay...

Sure, he couldn't say three small words, but he'd tossed aside a brilliant career; his hard earned start-over in life, to come and make sure she was okay. Just like that, his career as a top-shot hero in the Navy was gone, but his only thought had been about making sure she was okay. She would be dead now, without a doubt, if he hadn't come to save her, but all she could do was thrust accusations about a hero-complex in his face. He'd come all that way, through the very gates of Hell to save her and she wanted to hear the words!

Mac shook her head. This time, she'd really blown it with Harm and she didn't know whether even their friendship could be redeemed. But she wouldn't turn her back on him, not even if he requested it. He'd perhaps need some time to himself before he had healed enough to ask for her help, but Mac clung to the possibility that he would. She had to believe that it wasn't over for them because without him, without his presence in her life (in any way, shape or form,) it would never be the same again.

That night, she left a message on Harm's answer-machine.

"Hi Harm, It's Mac…I know things seem pretty terrible right now and I can't promise that they're going to turn out even okay but…you'll never have to deal with it on your own. The whole of JAG are here and at your word, we'll do anything we can to help you or Mattie. You only need to ask and I'll be there, okay?

You take care of yourself, now, sailor…

Bye…"

OOOO

When Harm returned to work (the General had given him extended compassionate leave for as long as he needed it) Mac couldn't help but be shocked by his appearance. His uniform was as squared away as it ever had been, but judging by the way it hung on him, the pounds had melted off his frame over the last month. His face was cleanly shaven, but was so gaunt, Mac consciously wondered if his jawbone had ever been so prominent. And worst of all, his beautiful eyes had taken on a hollow, sunken, dead appearance.

Before Mac could even move from her place in the break room, Jen and Bud were already over beside him, welcoming him back, slipping him his usual mug of hot coffee and offering him their support.

From the way Harm glanced blankly at the mug in his hand, Mac knew he was probably living on the marine-grade stuff and thus not really enthused by the sight of it.

He immediately retreated to his office before Mac could reach him and firmly shut the door behind him, a clear and unequivocal sign that he didn't want to be disturbed by anyone.

OOOO

Harm held his head, feeling as if it was about to burst wide open. He was waiting in Mattie's room for her to return from PT, but he'd been there only a matter of minutes. He'd been upstairs at the neonatal unit for over an hour before, while Mattie was downstairs with her rehab specialist. He felt just as helpless at the side of the incubator as he had at Mattie's bedside, because he couldn't even touch the plexi-glass cubicle's tiny, fragile occupant. He lived from moment to moment, just watching for each breath, praying for each breath. He felt his own breath, so many people's, moving in and out of this tiny scrap of humanity. When it was time for him to leave for the night, one of the NICU nurses would gently shake his shoulder and he knew that it was time to return to the other child depending upon him.

OOOO


	2. Chapter 2

OOOO

Part 2

With less that an hour of sleep under his belt, Harm felt like death warmed up by the time he got to work, the next day. The General took one look at him and ordered him into his office. With a toned-down chewing out, Cresswell sent him home, not realizing that Harm had much more on his mind than just caring for a single, severely injured child.

When Harm still could not sleep, he went back to the hospital, to spend some time with Mattie before the NICU would let him back in.

As it turned out, Mattie was in the middle of one of her breakdowns that she usually managed to hide from Harm, since he was normally at work at this time.

Harm could do nothing but hold her, feeling the need to break down himself, but knowing he was the only person who could hold everything together.

OOOO

When Mattie was finally so exhausted that she had dropped into a deep, comfortable sleep, Harm went upstairs to visit his other child.

He didn't see Mac arriving from the elevator across the hall. Although she wasn't quick enough to reach the elevator in time, she did see which floor it stopped at, proceeding up two floors herself and having a little search around. She found it to be the obstetrics floor, containing the maternity unit and neonatal ICU.

She was about to stop a nurse to ask, when she caught sight of Harm's familiar form.

The breath stilled in her chest as she took in the sight of him, sitting beside an incubator that held a tiny, doll-like baby. She knew the back of Harm upon sight, yet her brain still questioned why Harm could possibly be up here…

OOOO

An hour and a half later, Harm pushed himself out of his chair, stretched to unfurl his knotted muscles and made his way out of obstetrics and towards the elevators. Mac was the last person he was expecting, waiting in a chair in the elevator lobby.

Are you okay?" she asked, when he didn't say or do anything.

"How did you…"

"I saw you get into the elevator and I thought you were on your way to the cafeteria or something…You know a marine like me; can't keep her away from food…Harm, you didn't answer me; are you okay?"

She stood, seeking his roving eyes with hers.

"Not really…"

"Then why didn't you call me?"

"I just… I couldn't…"

"Well, if not me, then why not Bud and Harriet?"

"I just…I didn't want you guys to think that I only turn to you when I'm in trouble…"

"We'd never think that, Harm. We just want to make sure you're okay. You can ask for our support no matter what…What do you mean 'in trouble'?"

"I know that I messed up, not telling you about Mattie and then turning around and asking you to vouch for me in front of the courts…but there was no time, this time. I've spent every waking moment here at the hospital, splitting my time between Mattie and…"

"And?" Mac prompted, gently, taking his hand in hers.

"Oh God…In all of this, I haven't even asked if he has a name, yet…"

"If who has a name, Harm? The baby?"

Harm sank into a nearby seat and put his head in his hands. His shoulders began to shake as he tried in vain to suppress the sobs building up inside of him.

"Oh, Harm," Mac felt the emotion building up and threatening to choke her, too, as she dropped into the seat next to him and put her arms around him, "Shhhh…It can't be as bad as all that…What's happening to you, Harm? I've never seen you like this…"

"24 hours," Harm finally found his voice, which was surprisingly strong, despite his emotional state, "24 hours after I begin to believe that things just might be okay and I get my life turned upside-down again. Now I've got a fifteen year-old girl who will rely on me 24/7 for many months to come and an eight-week-old preemie who can't even keep the most basic of sustenance down…I've got nobody but my Mom and my eighty-year-old Grandmother, now…because my brother…he…"

Here, his voice caught and Mac squeezed his hand, urging him on.

"Sergei's dead, Mac…He, his wife Galina, her family and Sergei's Mom…An air-strike hit the village where Galina's parents lived, just as they gathered together to celebrate a national holiday. Galina was the only one who survived the blitz, but was brain-dead by the end of the second day at a nearby hospital. They delivered her baby more than three months early and he's been going downhill ever since…He's dropped to less than three pounds and it seems like he's allergic to every brand of formula put into him and I don't know how I'm going to cope if I lose this last connection to my brother and my father…"

"Oh Harm, I'm so sorry…"

That was all it took to reduce the two of them to a shaking, sobbing mess, as the people continued their day around them, unaware of the deeper tragedy below the surface.

OOOO

While Harm got himself together and went to check on Mattie, Mac stayed outside the NICU, watching the nurses go about their duties around the baby. He wasn't fond of being disturbed, that was for sure and Mac caught more than just a hint of the famous Rabb stubbornness. At this stage, it was of course hard to say for sure if the tiny baby took after his paternal side of the family, but this one attribute shone through.

After she was done, one of the nurses came out and began to talk to Mac, having seen her with the little boy's uncle, some time before.

She filled Mac in on his precarious condition, not just because he was born premature, but because his little stomach seemed loathe to hold onto anything long enough to digest and absorb any nutrients.

"We have him on intravenous nutrition and are feeding him through a nasal tube," she explained, "And the little fighter is holding his own, but he's not putting on any weight and he isn't growing like a baby should do. We've tried almost every brand available to us and nothing works, not even the leading market brand or any of the dairy-free options. But we've got a few more avenues to try and I'm sure that we'll find something."

Mac stood and watched the baby for a long time. She was well aware that Harm's ability to trust and love again could very well be entwined with the fate of this little boy.

OOOO


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

"Oh Harm…he's so tiny!" Mattie whispered in awe, when Harm wheeled her upstairs to look at her new baby brother.

"But he's a fighter," Harm assured her, "He's a Rabb, through and through. What he really needs is our support because when you have somebody there for you, you can get through anything…I don't think I can do this by myself, Matts; I don't think I'm strong enough, on my own…Do you think you can help me?"

"What could I possibly do? I'm a cripple in a wheelchair…"

"Don't say that…" Harm began to chide her.

"Well, it's true," Mattie shot back, "I can't even get down here under my own power. What could I possibly provide for him?"

"He needs our support and our love…You see that? That's his heart monitor and those levels show his oxygen saturation. They're always a little better when there's somebody here, beside him. We can't touch him, but he still knows that we're here. And he feels like he's got something to fight for. Before he was even an hour old, he'd not only lost his Father, Grandfather and two Grandmothers, but he'd also lost his Mother, the one person a little baby relies upon the most…As long as we keep visiting him, he's still going to feel loved and that makes all of the difference in the world."

Mattie nodded her head.

"I suppose that I can stop by, on my way back from PT…"

"Only if you feel up to it," Harm stipulated, "I understand how tired you get."

"And when I'm just sitting bored in my bed, not doing anything but waiting for the next meal to come around."

"Yeah, I'm sure a nurse would be happy to help you get here. But just remember not to overdo it. He needs the both us around; for his sake and ours, we will have to take care of ourselves, too."

"Okay," Mattie nodded, looking at the tiny figure inside the plexi-glass box.

For the first time in weeks, Harm felt a spark of hope.

OOOO

"He's missed you, you know…"

"Really?"

Mattie was seated at her baby brother's side, as her nurse stood behind her, marveling, discreetly.

"Oh sure…You see his little feet curling? My Brandon used to do that every time my husband or I walked into the room. He's our first and only child, but he still loves to be cuddled, even though he's twenty-four years old! Still makes time to come home, once a week for a home-cooked meal and a hug from his old Mom! You mark my words; that little boy is going to hang the moon on everything his big sister says or does…"

Mattie liked that thought. She'd always secretly wanted to be a big sister, but knew such a wish was a selfish one, considering the downward spiral her Dad would often fall into, time and time again. It wouldn't have been fair to bring a baby into that and Mattie was sure her Mom had known it, too.

"How are you doing today, Mattie?" The baby's doctor, a young woman in her early thirties approached.

"I'm fine…Just wanted to see how my baby brother was doing…"

"He's doing okay, today. We couldn't get him to take a new brand of formula, earlier today, but we're going to try again later, once your Dad gets here. We're going to see how he takes to being taken out of the incubator. He might really benefit from closer, increased contact with his family…"

"Can I stick around for that, or will it be too crowded?"

"Sure, you can stay, if you like. I'm sure he would love to have you here. He always does so much better when you're here. I think it makes him feel safe."

"See, I told you, didn't I?" Mattie's nurse spoke up again, "Nobody knows babies like Doctor Tess, here."

"That's my Dad's presence," Mattie told them, "Nobody makes you feel as safe as my Dad. He's a military hero, you know?"

Both women made noises to show that they were impressed. Indeed, Commander Rabb did make a fine sight whether in civilian clothes or still in his uniform, but they both knew that he only had eyes for that lady who came with him, most days. He often didn't focus on anybody other than his children, but you could tell by how comfortable he felt with her proximity and with her attentive actions towards him, how important she must be to him.

"And the officer who comes with him? I assume she and your Dad work together..."

"Yeah, that's Mac…I think this little guy likes her being here, too…He does better when she's around, too."

On her way back to her room, that afternoon, Mattie asked her nurse if she could use the phone. Betty let her use the one at the nurse's station.

OOOO

Harm was just finishing up some notes on a case he and Mac were to be prosecuting, at the end of the week, when his phone rang.

"Hey, Matts…There's not anything wrong, is there?"

"No," Mattie assured him, "I just got back from visiting my little brother and he's doing fine. I think he's missing you…"

"I'm missing you both, too. I'll be there by six-thirty tonight. The doctor said she's going to let me pick him up and try feeding him with a bottle. Maybe he'll keep it down, if it's coming from me…"

"Yeah, she told me…Harm could you possibly ask Mac a favor, for me? Will you ask her if she could come with you, tonight? I just…I have a couple of things I'd like to ask her…you know, girl stuff…"

"Uh, yeah, sure," Harm's eyes darted to Mac, where she was sitting in one of his visitor's seats, "I'll ask her just now…"

After checking with Mac, Harm told Mattie.

"Yeah, she says wild horses can't hold her away…"

"What, you can read minds, now?"

"Ha-ha…"

"I can hear her, Harm and I'm pretty sure I didn't hear her say that…"

"I know you can hear her and know that she didn't actually say that, but it was in her tone of voice, honest. She loves to come and visit you and the baby…"

"Of course I do," Mac confirmed loudly, with a smile.

"See? I told you…"

"Okay, smart-aleck…I'd better get back to my room, I think I'd be wise to get some sleep this afternoon…I'll see you both later…"

"Okay sweetie…Bye. I love you…"

After Harm put the phone down, he asked Mac, "Did Mattie mention any problems to you, last time?"

"No," Mac thought for a moment, "I don't think so…Why?"

"She said she wants to talk to you about 'girl-stuff.' I was just wondering."

"Well, if it's 'girl-stuff' you probably don't want to know, squid," Mac teased him, gathering her papers together, after putting her final thoughts down, "It'll probably give you nightmares! Now let's go and get some lunch…You can pick and it's my treat, today…"

OOOO


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, here's part 4...5 and 6 wil be up tomorrow, because I'll be leaving for the weekend...Enjoy!

OOOO

Part 4

"I'll just give you two some privacy," Harm was about to excuse himself, after greeting Mattie, that evening.

"No, that can wait for now… I want to go and see the baby and I'm sure he's going to be much better for seeing the two of you…"

"No, it's okay, don't you worry about him," Harm insisted, "I'm going to go down there and we'll have some man-time. You two can talk all you want, there's no rush…"

Now Mattie was left on the spot, because she really didn't know what she was going to talk to Mac about. She had really just wanted Mac here at the hospital, tonight.

"You okay, Mattie?" Mac asked, when the room was silent for a full minute.

"Yeah, I'm just…not sure how to…You know I love Harm; he's really become like a Dad to me. Since my Father left me…again…I've come to realize that Harm and my Mom have been the only people I've ever been able to trust, without fear of being let down. And now, of course, it's just Harm…"

"You're wrong, there…" Mac cut in, gently, "I know you don't know me all that well, Mattie, but I hope you know that if there's anything I can help you with, you can always rely on me, too…"

"Well, I wanted to ask you tonight…I love Harm, I trust him more than almost anyone I've ever known but…eventually, there's going to be a time when even he can't help me with something or other…Normal, everyday, things that as a man he probably couldn't understand or…comprehend…I just…As much as I love him, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to ask him for help with certain things and I wondered if…"

"You only need to call me," Mac assured her, straight away, "Anything you need help with, whether Harm's there or not, whether it's something little that Harm wouldn't understand or something intensely personal that only another woman could give you perspective on…Anything, Mattie…:

"Thanks," Mattie gave Mac a grateful hug. What had started off as a bluff, an excuse to get Mac here had turned out well and ended up taking a lot of the pressure that Mattie had unconsciously been carrying about on her weakened, damaged frame.

"We should get downstairs," Mattie spoke up, disengaging the locks on her wheelchair, "Harm and the baby are going to wonder where we are."

OOOO

When they got down to the NICU, Harm was already seated in the chair beside the incubator, cradling the baby in his arms (well, more like hands…) through gloves and a surgical gown.

"No," Harm was shaking his head, gently wiping the little boy's mouth, "What little went down is coming right back up again."

Once they got his tiny face and body cleaned up, Harm tried again and this time the baby wouldn't entertain taking the tiny bottle designed especially for premature babies.

"Why don't you try, Mattie?" Harm suggested, but Mattie quickly shook her head.

"No, I'll drop him…"

"No, you won't," Harm went to reassure her, "We'll just sit him in your lap; you can hold his head with one hand and hold his bottle with the other…"

"I'd rather not; I can't even feel my legs and my arms still shake when I try to hold still for any amount of time…Why don't you try, Mac? You're so good with Bud and Harriet's babies…"

Mac couldn't find anything to say for a few seconds, but uttered a weak, 'Okay,' when the nurse approached with a gown, mask and some surgical gloves.

After Harm had vacated his seat, Mac took a seat and carefully settled the small baby when Harm placed him in her arms. She now understood what Mattie had been worried about; None of Harriet's kids had ever been this small and she worried for a few minutes that he might slip from her grasp if she even breathed too heavily. But as she relaxed, the baby boy seemed to get more comfortable.

"See, he's doing okay," Harm stroked Mattie's hair, comfortingly, "it's not all that difficult, is it, Mac? Not after you get the hang of it. He really seems to enjoy being held. I'm sure he'd like to get a cuddle from his big sister…"

Mac barely had the presence of mind to nod in response to Harm's question; she kept her focus riveted in the tiny baby.

"Okay, let's try this again..." They were interrupted by the doctor, "Maybe he might prefer a more natural kind of milk…They do say that mother's milk is best…"

At Harm, Mattie and almost Mac's questioning glance (Mac was still trying to concentrate on the baby,) Tess explained, "Considering how many brands of formula he's tried that seem to disagree with his tummy, I thought it was time to consider donated breast-milk as an option. It really is the best thing for a baby, but it doesn't come into supply all that often…"

"Well, if it's the best thing for him," Harm was the first to speak, "I guess we should give it a try…"

The nurse passed the bottle to Harm, who crouched down beside the chair and held it out to Mac. Trying to ignore this many pairs of eyes, all seemingly staring at her, Mac got to the task at hand. If she were this little boy, though, she probably wouldn't be all too happy at being watched while she was trying to have her dinner!

At first, it seemed that the child didn't even want to try 'the real stuff,' until a small drop spilled and dribbled down his cheek and into the corner of his mouth. His resistance stopped for a second, before his movements began again, but this time more measured, almost thoughtful and less fretful. Once the bottle was eased between his lips this time, he gave a gentle, but definite suck, which became more and more confident as time went on.

"There you go," Mattie exclaimed, softly, "you're doing it, Sweetie! Didn't I tell you that you could?"

Mac's face melted from a tense frown to a soft, relieved smile, one that was always in place, anytime she got the opportunity to be hands-on with any of her Godchildren.

"He just had to find the right recipe, didn't you, buddy?" Harm commented, adding, "Didn't I say that organic was best, Mac? None of that processed factory-formulated stuff for my boy…"

"My, we're really going to have our hands full with you two picky boys, aren't we?!" Mac asked the baby with a sigh, shooting a look at Harm, who gave her a sheepish smile.

OOOO


	5. Chapter 5

OOOO

Part 5

Harm gave a loud groan as he dropped into bed, without even bothering to change out of the clothes he'd been wearing all day. It was 2352 hours on a Sunday night, he'd had the day from hell, watching helplessly as both of his children suffered one of their worst days in weeks and he had work, first-thing the next morning.

"This has got to be a nightmare!" he shook his head, repeating words that had become very familiar, over the last two months.

Mac was out of town for majority of the week on an investigation inside a military base on the opposite coast and wasn't expected back for at least two more days. Bud and Harriet had been very thoughtful by dropping off nice, home-cooked meals for him, but with three little boys and a little girl who got into everything, they barely had time to look away, themselves.

Mattie was going through a bad period after a fall from her chair during PT, but at least it was mostly her pride that suffered the bash, not her body. Ever since, she'd stopped participating in PT and Harm and the hospital staff knew they couldn't force her into fighting back; she had to want it for herself.

Baby boy Zhukov, now known as Dominic Rabb, despite his good start early the last week had begun bringing up his feeds again and now Harm really didn't know what they were going to do. How could a baby survive on intravenous nutrition? Was he going to have to watch this precious child waste away? He didn't think he could stand to lose somebody again, in such a short amount of time. He already constantly questioned if he was doing all he could…First, he had failed his little brother, now he was going to fail his brother's child.

Why couldn't he seem to get the hang of this? Mac seemed so good at it, maybe it was a maternal thing…He'd always known that she'd make a really great mother…

Harm snapped out of his endless stream of delirious thought when the phone on his bedside table rang.

'Who could be calling at this time?'

"Hello, may I speak to Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. please," the heavily Russian-accented voice greeted him, when he put the receiver to his ear.

"This is he…"

"Mr. Rabb. Forgive me for not being in touch, but nothing about the past couple of months could ever be considered normal…"

'You're not kidding,' Harm thought to himself.

"I am Alexandre Kozlóv, I have been appointed your brother and sister-in-law's attorney…It has taken some time, but I've managed to track down a copy of your brother's last will and testament…"

OOOO

Harm had struggled to make it through the next day at work, after the news he had gotten from Sergei and Galina's attorney. It wasn't bad news, not at all, but puzzling news that still added some poundage on top of a very heavy load to bear. Harm could understand why Sergei had wished for his older, only brother to raise his son, should anything ever happen to him and his wife, but Sergei's guidelines hadn't stopped there…he had requested that another guardian be appointed, to support Harm and have equal influence in this little boy's life…a completely unexpected, unrelated guardian…Harm couldn't quite understand it, considering his last few conversations with Sergei over the phone, the previous summer. Anyway, the lawyer had told him not to think too much of it. Some of Sergei's other affairs had to be put into order, before they even sorted out the issues addressed in his will and Alexandre was happy with the reports that the hospital was sending him; despite Dominic's ill health, it seemed that Sergei Zhukov's only brother was moving heaven and earth to care for the orphaned child. Alexandre told him he had a feeling most of this would work itself out, in time.

By the time that Harm was ready to leave work, he could feel the pressure of a migraine building behind his eyes. Before he managed to escape for the day, he was called into the General's office. Sturgis was being sent to join Mac on the investigation that had just graduated to almost certain first-degree murder. Harm would have to take on three new cases, two of which were due in court at the beginning of next week.

"I'm sorry to do this to you, Harm," Sturgis was surprisingly apologetic after they got out of the General's office, but Harm brushed it off.

"I know Sturg…Couldn't be helped, I understand, really I do…Orders are orders."

He'd been tempted to snap at Sturgis, make him feel even guiltier than he already did, but knew that wouldn't help either of them with the tasks that were at hand. They just had to power on.

With a small, consoling smile, he grabbed his things and left to go and check up on the kids, at the hospital.

OOOO

Two nights later, in the privacy of his apartment, Harm just couldn't quell the sense of utter panic that had risen inside of him. He had two little people who meant the world to him depending upon him, as well as a plethora of clients, friends, co-workers and superiors. They all expected The Great Harmon Rabb to pull something out of a hat, just like every other time he'd had the odds stacked against him, but Harm was really wondering how he'd manage to pull this off. How on earth was he going to do this by himself, when the past few months had made him feel as if he had the strength of jello?

Out of nowhere, a sudden voice came into his head, the voice of his brother.

"You tell me that you see nothing but a work colleague, when you look at a woman as amazing and as gifted as the beautiful Colonel. Now I wonder how you ever managed to become a naval pilot, when you are too blind to see what is in front of your very eyes. She would do anything for you, you know that you only have to ask her and she will be there, right by your side."

It had been a long time since his younger brother had told him that, not since he was still living with Harm, in the US. But it still rang as true today, as it had several years ago. Harm had just been too stubborn to admit it, at the time. Mac was an amazing person, who deserved an amazing life to match…But he'd blown his chances with her…Yet, she was still there as his best friend. She had offered her support endlessly, over the last few weeks. She really personified the definition of a good friend.

Harm grabbed his phone before his courage could desert him.

OOOO


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

The Marine colonel, still in her uniform came hurrying through the obstetrics lounge, making a beeline for the NICU.

Her bags had barely even hit the floor of her living room, before she had dashed out again, after checking the messages on her answer machine.

The last had been from Harm; Dominic was very ill again, with what the doctors thought must be a stomach virus. He was refusing food, even donated breast-milk and had that evening released his very first all-out cry. Mac knew that Harm had never seen him emit anything more than a whimper and could tell by his voice that it had really frightened and upset him.

Mattie was still in a downward spiral after her fall and Harm just didn't know how to help her, how to get through to her. He worried that she might have blocked herself off from him for good.

"I know I should be able to handle this, as a military officer and a lawyer, I know I should, but…I just need some help…I know I'm not going to be able to do this on my own…"

Mac didn't need to hear any more, before she bolted out the front door.

OOOO

She found Harm seated in the NICU, trying to get Dominic to feed, a look of supreme concentration on his weary face, visible despite the mask. Once she had her own gown, gloves and mask in place, she approached slowly, so she didn't take either of them by surprise.

"Hey, guys…I hear you've not been so good while I've been gone…" she placed her hands gently on Harm's shoulders, squeezing comfortingly.

"Not so much," Harm nodded, adding, "But we're hoping that now that you're back, you might work some magic for us…"

Harm indicated to a seat pulled up next to his and Mac sat down, while he set the bottle down and gathered up the little boy, lifting him carefully over and into Mac's arms.

"Maybe he's been missing you," Harm smiled, leaning over and putting an arm around the back of her chair, to support himself as he stroked Dom's cheek with his other hand.

"I've missed him, I know that!" Mac exclaimed softly, "And Mattie..."

'And you…'

But this was only said inside her head.

"How's she doing?"

"Not so great either," Harm tried to keep his voice steady, but Mac caught the slight quiver, "Dom being ill isn't helping her motivation, either. She's bonded with him so quickly."

"Well, I'm going to have to go and check up on her, after we get this little man here to have something to eat…C'mon, sweet boy…I know you're not feeling the greatest, but you'll feel better once you get some of this into you…I promise, just give it a little try…"

Mac's persistence finally paid off where Harm's had somehow failed, but Mac knew that it certainly wasn't for his lack of trying.

As he got more confident, Dominic became more boisterous, rhythmically curling and uncurling his little feet and toes.

"How about you?" Mac asked, with real sympathy in her eyes, "Sturgis said he had to leave you with an awful lot of work. Said he felt like a right heel."

"It's not his fault," Harm shook his head, "But yeah, the workload has been pretty awful…I think I've got a strategy mapped out for the nearest trial date and the investigation seems to be going pretty smoothly. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do for the last one…"

"I'm sure with Sturgis and I back in the office, the General will reassign it back to one of us. I'm the one who had to drop it in his lap, in the first place…"

"How about we share it?" Harm suggested, with a soft smile, "Two heads have got to be better than one and we'll have half the research if we split it down the middle."

"Okay," Mac nodded.

They both relaxed back into their chairs, feeling a good deal less anxious than they had in more than a week. Even though Harm and the children had been out of Mac's sight while she had been away, they had certainly not been out of mind. There was barely a waking hour that she hadn't thought of them, even more so when Sturgis had brought word of just how much Harm was now dealing with.

Dom's doctor found them like this an hour later, after the baby had finished off the portion of his allotment of milk and fallen back to sleep, cuddled up to Mac.

"Those O2 stats are the best I've seen them since before he began bringing up his feeds, again. You must have the magic touch, Colonel…"

She didn't fail to notice Dominic's Dad, looking at his marine partner with nothing short of total, complete adulation. She was so entranced with the baby that she wasn't noticing this, though.

"I think he can just tell how exhausted I am and has decided to take pity on me," Mac looked down at the sleeping little angel.

"If only we could bribe him with something so he'd keep it up," Harm commented and they all had a little chuckle.

"Well, with a little bit of time, we'll see if he manages to keep this down. He's kept very little down, these past few days."

"Was it formula or breast-milk?" Mac asked.

"To begin with, his stomach started to reject the breast-milk, all of a sudden. That's why we got so worried, because it had worked up until that point. And an array of formula brands quickly followed after. Even switching him back to the breast-milk after the short break didn't make any difference…but he seems to be doing much better, now. I hope you'll be able to sleep better, tonight, Commander."

Harm had been in to visit early that morning before work, because he'd given up on getting any sleep.

"I certainly will," Harm nodded.

An hour later and most of the milk was still where it belonged, apart from a little that had been lost while gently burping him.

"I'm going to go up and let Mattie know the good news," Harm slipped from his chair.

"Okay, we'll just stay where we are," Mac spoke for the two of them, still very comfortable where they were seated, sharing body-heat.

When Harm was gone, Mac smiled and murmured softly, "What is it about you Rabb men, huh? I wouldn't mind, but I haven't even seen that smile from you yet and it'll be a long time yet before you get any dress whites and gold wings…"

OOOO


	7. Chapter 7

OOOO

Part 7

Harm was looking over the documents Sergei and Galina's lawyer had faxed over, as he sat at his desk. He'd signed off on his last case that afternoon and had decided to spend lunch sitting quietly, snacking and reading over Sergei's will in his office. He didn't feel like putting on a brave face to face the world, today, so he'd just keep it to himself. There was no use in getting others down, too.

And sure enough, as clear as day, in Sergei's own writing was the request Alexandre had told him about. Sergei wished, should the worst ever happen to him and his wife, for his child to be put into the care of his older brother, Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. But it was important to both him and his wife that Dominic grow up with two positive role-models in his life, essentially a Mother and a Father, so he could grow into a healthy, well-adjusted adult. Therefore, full guardianship would be co-assigned to Harm, and to his friend and co-worker, Colonel Sarah MacKenzie. Harm wondered if this was Sergei's way of getting the last word in. It was a Rabb trait and this was the ultimate final move in the game of one-upmanship. From what he understood as a lawyer, very little could be done to alter the terms set out by a deceased parent, once it had been witnessed and signed in ink…Not that he would have attempted it, but how would he ever explain this all to Mac?

After the past year and a half that they'd had, Harm knew that even their friendship was still not completely on solid ground. Being forced into something when your situation is already near-helpless wouldn't be the most ideal of starts to becoming a family…

Alexandre had said he'd postpone official proceedings for a long as possible, but Harm had to figure out a way to tell his partner about her unique inheritance…

OOOO

"He's definitely taken a shine to you, Colonel," Dr. Tess commented, enjoying the look on the marine's face that she'd seen many times before.

The babies that came into her unit didn't usually have the best of starts and as a result, mother and baby were often a little disoriented, numb and a little mixed up. But she'd yet to see a new mother who stayed that way for more than a couple of months, regardless of what had happened during the delivery. Sarah MacKenzie was starting to get that look, the look that expressed just how amazing she was discovering the little bundle in her arms to be, despite the fact that she had not given birth to him.

"The Rabb men always get that way around anything secreting estrogen," Mac joked, "And if I were a blond and not a brunette…watch out!"

Tess laughed. She sensed there was a whole lot of interesting history between the Marine Lieutenant Colonel and her partner, more than could just be attributed to their working together.

"I was thinking about starting Dominic with a new therapy, now that he's doing better and is dealing well with spending time outside of his incubator. It's what is called Kangaroo Care; it's a basic principle we humans picked up from observing a phenomenon in the animal kingdom. Marsupials are animals that keep their young close to their body, until they're ready for more exposure to the outside world. But no mammal can equal the growth rate of one particular marsupial; the kangaroo. When born, a baby kangaroo could be smaller than the nail of my thumb. But by the time it reaches maturity, it has grown a phenomenal amount, all thanks to the milk and nurturing from its mother. But babies who no longer have their mother with them, like Dominic can still benefit an enormous amount from close, skin-to-skin contact with another of their kind. You know how well Dominic does when he being held…His oxygen levels, breathing and heart-rate improve…Research has even shown that the bond between parent and child is strengthened, by these periods of close contact."

Mac was listening, curiously, for she had truthfully never heard of the term and it had sparked something within her.

"I was watching how comfortable Dominic got while you where holding him, last night…Would you like to try it with Dominic? We can get the two of you into a curtained off area, we'll get the Commander in and he can try it too…"

"Oh, I don't know, Doctor Tess," Mac began to stumble over her words, "…This is really something Harm should be deciding…and I'm sure that he'll do a great job on his own but…I'm not…Harm and I aren't…"

"It's okay," Tess moved to calm the woman, "I understand the relationship you and the Commander have; I know you're just friends, but I just thought with the involvement you've had in Dominic's care, the last few weeks…I'll let Harm know about this and he can try it, if he wants to. I'm sure that things will be just fine, with the two of them."

"It is a very good idea," Mac nodded, thoughtfully, "And I know that Harm will try anything that might help Dominic."

OOOO

When Harm arrived that night, Mac told him a little about her discussion with Doctor Tess, without mentioning the preliminary idea that had been suggested. Once Doctor Tess returned from tending to one of her other little patients, she told Harm more about the background behind the now-popular practice including scientific research findings that proved the benefits. He was eager to give it a try; he knew that this little boy could use whatever support and encouragement they could give him and this seemed like just the ticket.

"I'll go and check on Mattie, then," Mac rose from her seat, feeling a little like she might be intruding on Harm's quality time with his new son.

Harm, who mistook it for discomfort just nodded his assent, adding, "Her PT will have ended by now…"

Before she could get to the doors, though, Harm spoke up again.

"Thanks, Mac…I never seriously pondered cutting myself in half before, so that I could be in two places at once, but with you here, that bizarre thought isn't giving me nearly as much trouble, anymore."

"Anytime, Flyboy," Mac smiled, "I'm glad to be here…"

And she really meant it. Her time with Harm and his children had come to be a huge part of her life, these past weeks.

OOOO


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Okay, you should really like this next chapter. From here-on-in, we'll be the seeing development in Harm and Mac's relationship and in their family life...

OOOO

Part 8

Mac had spent the weekend online doing research, seeing if she could find something more that would help Dominic. She and Harm had stopped worrying so much about Mattie, because with Dominic stable again and making slow but visible progress, she was now pushing herself onwards, too.

There had been such a wealth of information that she hadn't known where to start, but Mac keyed in the term 'Kangaroo Care' and got hundreds of hits. From there she began looking around other parts of websites that had a section devoted to her initial search topic. She learned more in those few hours than she had ever dreamed existed. Sure, she knew that pregnancy and child-birth were incredibly complicated, but the options available to the parents of babies like Dominic, or babies born under traumatic circumstances and being adopted by childless couples were astounding. One fact in particular hooked itself into her mind and refused to relinquish its grasp. She turned the thought over and over in her mind, going over the ways Dominic could be nurtured to grow and leave hospital as soon as possible. Such advances in the field of newborn medicine meant that parents like Harm potentially had nearly as much opportunity to bond with an adopted baby as any parent would, with their biological child. It offered hope to parents and babies who hadn't had the best of starts to their relationship. But she kept on coming back to the fact that Dominic would still lose out on having a mother. Harm would of course be a wonderful father, she had known that fact almost as long as she'd known her favorite sailor, but the fact of the matter was that Dominic could benefit from something that Harm just wasn't able to give him. Those were shoes that only Galina would have been able to fill. But again that one little fact wigged its way into her fore-thoughts. It was getting harder to just dismiss it with the denial, 'No, Harm would never agree to that…'

Mac knew there was very little that Harm wouldn't do, wouldn't sacrifice to help his only nephew and that fact encouraged her to give her thoughts more consideration.

OOOO

"Hey Harm…Do you have a second?"

Mac had practiced the conversation a thousand times in her head, but still, it sounded ridiculous to her ears…and she was a lawyer, she was supposed to have a gift for words, in her profession! Why couldn't she find the terms that would make the idea sound like it made all the sense in the world?

"Sure, I have as long as you need, Sarah…" Harm beckoned her into his office.

At the mention of her given name Mac swallowed hard, knowing that it was going to be even harder to remain unemotional and rational when he was bandying about affectionate names such as that.

"I was thinking about what Dr. Tess was telling us last week about kangaroo care and just how much it could help Dom. I did some research on it and there's a growing community of followers who are practicing a more extensive form, 'kangaroo mother care.' It's basically the same, only the child and parent, in this case the mother, are rarely separated and the child is basically fed exclusively from the breast. Babies stabilize and grow faster, development is speeded up and they are able to leave the hospital much sooner than babies who were born similarly pre-term, who haven't had the benefit of this care."

"That would have been nice for Dom, if Galina had survived to nurse him, herself…I can't help but go over and over, sometimes, how much he's missing out on without his mother…"

"We can do our best for him, though and hopefully come somewhere close to what she and Sergei might have been able to provide for him…but in times past, when an infant was born and it wasn't practical or feasible for the mother to, you know, breastfeed the baby herself, the parents often employed the help of a wet-nurse…Not a glamorous job, I know, but the child's immune system still benefited from the antibodies, enzymes and vitamins passed on in the milk…"

"Yeah," Harm pondered, "well, it's too bad that that doesn't happen anymore…The opportunity to provide a baby with that start in life, even if the biological mother isn't around, I mean…"

"Stranger things happen," Mac pointed out, "We've got 50 year-old mothers having children for their daughters who aren't able to carry a baby to term."

"Yeah, but how could I ever figure out a way to go up to a women with young kids, like Harriet, and ask her to breast-feed my brother's child who I want to adopt…"

"What if you didn't have to ask?" Mac was a lot more uncertain about what his reaction to her suggestions would be, from here on in, "What if they volunteered?"

"Harriet has volunteered to nurse Dom?!" Harm's eyebrows shot up to the ceiling.

"No, of course not…she has twins of her own to provide for and she knows absolutely nothing of any of this conversation…but…"

"But…" Harm paused, gesturing for her to go on.

"But what if somebody came to you and offered to provide breast-milk for Dominic…so that he could get the best start possible after all that he's been through; could grow faster and come home to his Dad and Big Sister sooner and lead a happy, healthy life? I don't mean having her turn up everyday to whip 'em out and let Dom clamp on… "

Harm choked on the coffee he had been taking a sip of, so Mac reminded herself to watch the terms and phrases she used. This was really challenging her skills as a lawyer, trying to sell this idea and frustration was getting the better of her.

"We'd be talking about expressing milk with the aid of a pump, bagging it and freezing it, so that it could be sent to the hospital and stored for Dom's future use, as often as he needs and wants it. That doesn't sound all that 'X-Files,' does it?"

"No," Harm had recovered from his near-drowning, but still had reservations about the details involved in such an undertaking, "not in theory, but what new mother is going to give up a good portion of her breast-milk for another child? Just the idea of selling breast-milk…"

"Not selling," Mac halted him, "_Donating_ breast-milk. There would be no money involved, whatsoever….And the woman wouldn't have to be a new mother, either…there are hormones these days that can be prescribed to women who have adopted young children and want to give them the benefit of breast-milk. It stimulates natural lactation quite fast and does so for as long as it's needed."

"Okay, Mac," Harm had learned a lot over the past twenty minutes, so it was obvious that Mac had done her homework, but there were other more practical issues, "but who is going to come and help me and Dom, out of the sheer goodness of their heart, pump breast-milk several times a day and everything, especially if she hasn't even had a baby and needs to take daily, long-term hormone medication to be able to do all this?"

Her reply floored him, knocking all logistical considerations out of his head.

"Me."

OOOO


	9. Chapter 9

OOOO

AN: Okay, sorry! I know I left you hanging with the last part. This will pick up where we left off. Just before we start, I want to make it clear that I am in no way making any kind of stand on the use of pharmaceuticals/hormones/herbs, in the arena of inducing/re-inducing lactation. It is important just to make informed choices as to what is right for the individual(s) involved…And as far as how difficult it is to induce lactation; From what I've been told/have read, most women are capable. After all, as soon as puberty ends and the body finishes growing, the milk-producing tissue and ducts are there. All that is needed are the hormones to act on the tissue. But inducing lactation is by no means an easy task for the majority of those who choose to try this. For some women, all they need is to begin nursing. Some need the hormones, pharmaceuticals and herbs, the exercises and the electric pump...but no matter how much/little milk they are able to produce, the benefits of breastfeeding are enormous, for mother and baby.

Part 9

"You…You'd do all that?" Harm voice was a little shaky, but the incredulous expression and soft eyes told her that he was touched, more than anything.

"Sergei meant a lot to me, still means a lot to me. And now Dominic does, too. I want the best for him," Mac shrugged, "I know that you do too and that you wouldn't stop at anything, if you had the necessary equipment…"

Harm gave a little chuckle and just stared at her, his eyes twinkling.

"What?!" Mac blushed.

"This is…this is just amazing…You are amazing, Mac," he grinned, "Are you completely sure about all of this? Can this actually be done?"

"According to what I read last night, yeah. I just need to talk to my doctor and get his approval, but are you okay with this? I won't say any more about it unless you're 100 per cent..."

"Of course I am," Harm smiled, "This is an incredibly generous offer and you're right, I would do anything to help Dominic. He's all I have left of my brother and it's been hell to see him struggling through all of this. But is this safe? Is this safe for you to be doing? I mean; hormone therapy…"

"Well…That's one thing I couldn't find any sort of consensus on…There are different drugs available, but most experts opine that no drug is 100 safe…"

"If it isn't safe for either you or for Dominic, we can't do this, Mac…"

"But let's at least ask. Perhaps Doctor Tess can tell us more about it?"

After a long pause, Harm agreed, but added, "But I'm not going to put Dominic ahead of your health, Mac. You know I could never agree to that…"

"Okay, Harm, "Mac nodded, folding her arms, "but we should still enquire."

They agreed to call and schedule an appointment with Doctor Tess later that night, so that they had the privacy of her office to discuss the intricacies of what would be involved.

"Oh, Mac…Thank you!"

As Harm pulled Mac into a crushing hug, she didn't think she'd ever hear such a simple, yet sincere sentence uttered.

OOOO

"Yes, I think Dominic could benefit immensely from breastfeeding…Were you thinking of employing the help of a surrogate, Commander?"

"Not exactly," Harm searched for the right words, very glad that they were in Doctor's Tess' office, "Um, Colonel Mackenzie has actually volunteered to…contribute…uh, to the effort. That is, if it can be done…"

"Many adoptive parents chose to nurse their adopted children and it is possible, even though they aren't lactating beforehand."

"What I've read about it suggests that none of the drugs used are guaranteed 100 safe," Mac broached.

"That is true," Dr Tess nodded, "although they seem to have worked for some mothers…"

"But with the problems Mac has had with endometriosis, the last thing I want is for her condition to be exacerbated because of these drugs," Harm quickly inserted.

"There should be no problems with Mac nursing, not any related to her endometriosis, anyway…And using drugs to induce lactation is only one of the options," Tess pointed out, "There are other ways, which would eliminate the need for drugs at all…"

"Really? How?" Mac asked.

This was something she had not come across during her research.

"Well, to give you a better understanding of how this all works; Prolactin is the hormone that is responsible for lactation. It can be stimulated in a number of ways; in pregnant women it is stimulated by other hormones related to pregnancy. But pregnancy isn't required, though it does help. It can also be stimulated by herbs, which are often used in developing countries in order to nurse and care for orphans. It can also be stimulated manually, usually through the use of an electric breast pump, or similar device If the two of you want to go ahead with this and would like my assistance then I recommend that we put all drug-related methods to the side and just concentrate on use of natural herbs, other dietary aids and manual methods and see if that works for us. It will take a few weeks, but we should be able to get you producing at least an ounce of milk, each day, Mac. Dominic will need to receive a supplement to that, but the antibodies and enzymes your body produces will be invaluable to him."

"How often will I need to pump, to prepare?" Mac asked, "And with me working fulltime, will it cause much disruption?"

"It shouldn't do, no," Tess shook her head, "Generally, mothers preparing to breastfeed an adopted child would pump between 6 and 10 times a day. If you could manage once or even twice during the night, as well as 2-3 times before and after work, I don't think you'd need to pump much while you're in the office, maybe not at all. And while you shower or bathe, you can also try a bit of breast and nipple massage and these should all help with inducing lactation…"

Tess noticed Harm looking distinctly out of his element, so she suggested that they leave it at that for the night, while she did some research to find some definite answers to all of the questions they had.

OOOO

Tess requested a private consultation with Mac the next day, but saw the two of them together first, so that they both felt like they were involved in the decisions that were being made and felt that they had control over the situation.

"So the idea is that Mac would only express milk, to be used for Dominic when he receives his feeds, is that right?" she asked.

"Well," Harm looked at Mac, unsure, "We hadn't really discussed it, but I suppose that is the idea we had in mind, unless you think that…"

"Well," Tess had considered it briefly, herself, "Dominic has become accustomed to the bottle, but I think that, like with the kangaroo care, he could also benefit from the close contact that actual breastfeeding would provide. However, the resulting bond also needs to be considered. Mac is a close friend of yours, Harm and will remain a close friend of your family's once Dominic is released from the hospital, but you will be the one primarily caring for him. I can't say one way or the other; it's up to the two of you to make that decision. I think that either way, Dominic is still going to benefit immensely from this gift you're willing to give him, Mac. Just think about it, okay?"

Mac and Harm nodded, promising her they'd discuss it amongst themselves.

Harm then went back to the NICU, to give Dominic his feed, while Mac spoke to the doctor and asked her the questions she'd thought of since the day before.

When Tess had answered all of Mac's questions, and told her more of what she'd learnt during the course of her research, she requested that Mac change into a paper gown so that she could give her a quick check-up, before showing her some exercises that she'd need to start doing at home. She had borrowed an electric breast pump from the maternity unit, so that she could show Mac how it worked. Mac would need to rent such a machine from the hospital, because the light-weight plastic models that were sold in maternity stores were just not sufficient for the job.

OOOO


	10. Chapter 10

OOOO

AN: Just in case you're curious about the title of this fic, I thought it up when I heard a song from my childhood. This isn't a songfic, but the lyrics seemed apt, so I adapted the theme into the title. The song 'Drive' is by The Cars, I just thought you might like to find the lyrics for yourselves, to see if they speak the same way to you, too. I claim no rights to the song.

Part 10

"Look who's here, Dom," Harm commented to the baby lying half-asleep in his arms, "It's your very own marine-guardian-angel!"

Mac bent to drop a kiss on the little boy's head, a small smile gracing her face.

"Did everything go okay with Doctor Tess?"

"Yeah, fine," Mac nodded, "She said I'm fit and healthy enough to start making preparations. She's given me a list of all sorts of herbal concoctions, so I'll need to stop at the pharmacy and a health-food store before I go home, tonight. As soon as the results of my blood-tests come back, I can begin taking them."

"I never thought I'd see the day when my Marine stepped inside a health-food store," Harm grinned.

Mac, who had not failed to notice the terms he used to refer to her, just shot him a rapier-sharp look, but couldn't keep her lips from twitching at the corners.

OOOO

"So you are going to nurse Dominic, just while he gets better and ready to leave the hospital?" Mattie asked, after Harm and Mac had carefully explained what was going to happen.

"We haven't worked all of the details out, yet," Harm told her, explaining, "For now, Mac's going to express milk and freeze it, so it can be fed to him as he needs it. And we don't know how long we're going to continue doing so. We'll just see how it goes, because we have no idea about how tired Mac's going to be, on top of working full days at JAG."

"But is there going to be enough for him?" Mattie asked, "I mean, I know I'm not an expert at this or anything, but Mac, you've never done this before…"

"No," Mac conceded, "In fact, we don't even know if this is going to work at all…But we're going to try and see how things work out. In the meantime, Dom will just get all of his regular feeds and we'll replace portions of that with whatever else I'm able to produce."

Afterwards, when Harm had gone to get coffee for him and tea for Mac, Mattie suddenly hugged Mac who was perched on the edge of her bed.

"This is really great, Mac," she told the woman she had come to admire greatly, even more so in the last couple of months.

Mac could do nothing but wrap her arms around the girl and return the hug, she felt overwhelmed by the gratitude and emotion in Mattie's voice.

"Dominic's well worth it," she finally came up with.

OOOO

The only people whom Harm and Mac confided in besides Mattie were Bud and Harriet. Harriet helped Mac out by giving her practical advice and Mac was grateful to get first-hand knowledge from someone who had been through the trials and the wonderful rewards that nursing a child could bring.

It wasn't that they felt that they needed to keep it all a secret, but their friends were also their colleagues and a certain level of professionalism was required while working at JAG and they didn't think the general would appreciate talk of breast pumps and nipple shields in the break room.

OOOO

When Mac got home from the hospital the next evening, after receiving the go-ahead, she ran herself a hot bath, doctoring it with her favorite bath additives. She'd just taken her first dosage of herbs and specified foods (oatmeal and pineapple,) and drank what seemed like gallons of Mother's Milk Tea and water, throughout the day.

Tess had explained to her that her psychological frame of mind would be as important to the process of inducing lactation as the nutritional side of things, so relaxing in a warm bath in the evenings while she performed the exercises Tess had shown her would contribute to the cause as well. And Mac wanted so much for this to work, for Dominic, for Mattie, for Harm and for herself, too.

Mac was just beginning to relax and really enjoy the manipulations of her hands when a loud knock on her front door brought her out of her comfortable state.

Quickly wrapping her terry-cloth robe around her, Mac went to see who was at her front door.

"Hey Mac…Oh, sorry. I got you out of the tub, didn't I?" Harm assessed her state of dress, flinching.

"It's okay," Mac told him, although she would have rather gone back to what she had been doing previously, at that precise moment!

"It's just that this is kind of important and I'm sure that I've probably already put it off long enough…"

Mac could see that this indeed must be something important, so invited him in, asking him to take a seat on her couch while she went to get dressed.

When she returned, Harm explained that Sergei and Galina's attorney had contacted him, some weeks before.

"With all that was going on, he told me not to worry about the contents of Sergei's will, that he had some other matters to take care of first, but that we'd need to deal with it sometime soon."

"Is everything okay?" Mac asked, concerned, "Sergei's will does give you custody of Dominic, doesn't it, Harm?"

"Yeah," Harm reassured her, "That's why Dominic was moved to DC, after he was born. They knew that I lived here and that Sergei had wished me to be his guardian…But he's also requested that somebody else be given joint custody of Dominic, so that he essentially has two role-models in his life. It's a good idea, for Dominic's future stability and emotional adjustment, but it's just that this person doesn't even know about it, yet…"

"Who?" Mac frowned, "Who did Sergei want to co-parent Dominic?"

"You," Harm told her, gently.

"Me?" Mac asked, wide-eyed, "But, why me?"

"He had as much respect and regard for you as you did for him, Mac," Harm told her, "Not only as a female officer in the military but as a person, too. He, like I, probably knew just what a wonderful mother you'd make, so when faced with the decision of appointing guardianship, just in case anything should happen to him, he chose his older brother and the person closest to him, who can both give Dominic the kind of life that he and Galina wanted to."

"You and me?" Mac asked, "Raise Dominic?"

"We've had a similar discussion before," Harm shrugged, "What's so different now?"

"Well, we hadn't been through many of the things we have now, when we had that discussion on the steps of JAG, five years ago…"

"Okay, but we're still good friends, aren't we?" Harm asked, "All of that happened, yet we've done a pretty good job of building our friendship back up and strengthening it again. And you said you care for Dominic just as much as you cared for Sergei. You're contributing to Dom's short-term recovery, how about we just take it a step at a time and see what happens? We don't need to think any further forward than the next couple of months. All that Alexandre, Sergei's lawyer, needs to know is that we're dedicated to taking care of this baby and that we're going to give him everything he needs."

"Yeah, okay," Mac nodded, "You tell him that we're determined to care for Dominic, but that we'll be taking it slowly; one day at a time…that probably is best."

"Okay…" Harm agreed, then seemed to realize that he was probably still intruding on what little time to relax that she still had, "Uh, I'll just get out of your hair, then…I've got to go back to the hospital to check on Dominic and see how Mattie's PT went."

"Okay," Mac walked him to the door, "Give Mattie and Dom my love…"

"Will do…"

With Harm gone again, Mac went back to the bathroom to refill her bath to replace the original water that had since gone stone-cold.

OOOO


	11. Chapter 11

OOOO

Part 11

Mac struggled back into her uniform jacket then rose from behind her desk to open up the blinds and unlock her door again. She only ever used her own personal time during the lunch hour to do her exercises, but it still felt incredibly awkward, because she was at her place of work…She sincerely hoped that it would get easier, because she knew that her frame of mind during these instances wasn't helping her any. Whereas she enjoyed the personal time she took at home to prepare for nursing Dominic, the same was not true of doing so at the workplace. The entire time, she was aware that the busy bullpen lay just beyond the barrier of her door. She had contemplated going elsewhere, but knew of no nearby places (stores, restaurants etc) with the facilities to cater to a woman nursing.

She'd have to ask Harriet how she had gotten past it, for she was aware of Harriet mentioning that she had nursed Little AJ and Jimmy into toddlerhood, continuing to express milk even after she went back to work.

Getting back to her paperwork, Mac put it to the back of her mind for the time being.

OOOO

"You okay?" Harm asked, watching as Mac shifted again, having done so several times in the last ten minutes.

"Yeah," she flinched a little as she moved the wrong way, "I'm just a little uncomfortable, itchy…It's just taking some time to get used to, that's all."

Harm gave her a smile, reaching across the table and squeezing her hand comfortingly. For about the twentieth time that day, he marveled at all that Mac was putting up with, in order to help Dominic. His brother had sure known just the right person to entrust the care of his son to.

OOOO

The General had ordered Harm, Mac and Sturgis into his office so that they could give him an update on their progress concerning a high-profile court-martial. Sturgis and Bud were opposing Harm and Mac on the case, but Bud was on scheduled leave today, so Sturgis was handling it himself.

After filling General Cresswell in on what had been done to prepare for court and what still needed to be done, Sturgis then turned to Harm and Mac. Harm had just gotten back from the law library and didn't yet know just what Mac had accomplished while he had been gone, but he filled Cresswell in on what he'd taken care of.

"Um, what have you been working on, Colonel?" Harm turned to his partner at the same moment that both Sturgis and Cresswell did so, but were met with Mac's suddenly ashen face.

"Are you okay, Colonel?" Cresswell asked, a little concerned by the pallor of his Chief of Staff.

Sturgis went to pull around the chair behind him for Mac, so that she could get off her feet.

She quickly waved him off, saying, "I'm fine, thank you, Commander…Sir…I think it's just a little warm in here, that's all…"

Cresswell was a little confused when, conversely, Mac unconsciously went to pull her jacket tighter around her.

As she finished informing the General of what she had taken care of over the past morning and what still needed to be done over the weekend, in her head she was thanking the enormous stroke of fortune that meant they were still wearing uniform jackets and not their summer uniforms!

After hearing the dismissal from Cresswell, Mac quickly saluted and made a rapid beeline for the door, so that she could go and retrieve a clean uniform blouse from the sea-bag in the trunk of her car. She went to quickly drop her case files in her office and pick up her keys, but before she had even managed to turn back from her desk, Harm hurried in behind her.

"Mac?" his concern for her was obvious, "Are you okay? What happened in there?"

"It was nothing," Mac shook her head.

"That was most definitely something, Marine," Harm disputed.

"Yes, yes it was something," Mac amended, "but it…it wasn't something to worry about…I just…It's just…"

It was hard to find the correct words when those deep blue/green eyes were fixed on her, staring so intently.

"I'm…my milk has just come in, that's all," Mac finally blurted out.

"Now?!" Harm consciously fought the dropping of his jaw, "While we were in there with the General?!"

"Of all the times, huh?" Mac smiled, "Yeah, but it's okay…We're still in uniform jackets and I've got a spare uniform in the sea-bag in the trunk of my car. I'll just go get it…"

To Mac's consternation, Harm was still parked in her office when she got back.

Oh well, if he wasn't going to leave, there was no way she'd stay in a damp, uncomfortable blouse just because he wouldn't move. She took off her jacket, surveyed the two dark, circular wet patches on her blouse and started to undo the buttons. They weren't that big, but would definitely be noticeable, even after they dried.

"You want me to turn around?" Harm joked, with a grin.

"Yes and make sure I've locked that door, would you?" Mac ordered him, joking back, "Or else we'll be the ones facing court-martials next week!"

Harm checked the door as Mac dropped the damp blouse onto her desk, picking the freshly laundered one out of her bag. As she was doing up the buttons again, she felt rather than saw Harm approach her, so didn't jump when she felt the warmth of his hands on the back of her neck and shoulders, rubbing soothingly. It didn't help her state any, her eyelids fluttering slightly and she felt like asking him to stop. She was already fighting a wave of emotion that had crashed over her inexplicably in the parking lot, but Mac fought the impulse to pull away, instead looking up to smile the most put-together kind of smile she was able to, at that present moment. Harm seemed to believe that she was really okay, so relinquished hold after a couple of seconds.

After setting up an appointment to go over their case during the weekend, Harm returned to his office and Mac snuck out the nursing bra that she'd wanted, but had been unable to change into with Harm in her office. After locking the door again, she quickly made short work of getting comfortable again.

OOOO


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Sorry, I know the last part wasn't very long...It wasn't intentional, it was just the way it came out...So here's another! Enjoy!

OOOO

Part 12

"You seem to be getting up to speed quickly, Colonel," Tessa commented, while watching Dominic receive his bottle containing Mac's breast-milk, "I'd say you're nearly at an ounce, now."

"It doesn't seem like very much," Mac commented, "but I suppose that this is preferable to none."

"Exactly," Tessa nodded, "Every little helps…I know it makes you a little uncomfortable, but things would probably happen faster if you actually nursed Dominic. The sensation of a baby at the breast just can't be fully replicated by a machine…"

"I think it's something I should probably talk to Harm about, first," Mac's kept her eyes downcast, watching Dominic as he fed, placidly, "But if I were to breast-feed him, how would he get enough, when I'm producing this small amount each time? This is about three session's worth of expressing…"

She indicated the small amount in the bottle, although Dominic had already consumed an equal portion.

"Well, we would of course have to use some sort of supplementing device. It would be attached in the correct position, so that when Dominic latched on, it would also be feeding him a constant stream of formula, coming from a bottle that would hang from a cord around your neck. His constant sucking would encourage your own flow of milk like the pumping sessions just couldn't…"

"So he'd still be getting formula?"

"Or the milk you've managed to express during the day," Tessa added, "But the benefits of the breast-milk and the connection he'd get from being held close to you…that would be invaluable."

Mac let Tessa know that she'd think about it and Tessa went back to her duties within the NICU.

What Mac just couldn't figure out was how she'd broach the subject with Harm.

OOOO

Mac had just plucked up the courage, the next day, when Harm pre-empted her with news of his own;

"Hey, Alexandre called me last night and all of the paperwork seems to be going through just fine. My Mother also called and was delighted with the news and says that she wants to come out and visit in a few days time, so that she can celebrate with us…Is that okay?"

"Of course it is," Mac forced a smile because she was disappointed that her opportunity had gone, but continued, truthfully, "It will be great to see your Mom; it's been over a year since the last time we were in California or she was here to visit…Is Frank coming with her?"

"He'd love to, but this is the busiest time of the year at Chrysler," Harm shook his head, "He promises to come out the next chance he gets, though…"

OOOO

Mac went to give Dominic his evening feed, while Harm went to the airport to pick up his mother.

Mattie joined her, as she waited for the nurses to prepare Dominic's bottle.

"I definitely think he's doing much better, already," Mattie voiced her opinion, "Look at how alert he is, even to the smallest of sounds and movements. He knows he's got a bottle coming to him, soon…"

Indeed, baby Dominic did indeed seem to know just what was going to occur, in the next few minutes. His feeding sessions had become more enjoyable and less traumatic, now that his little stomach was accepting what it was given. And of course the close contact made all of the difference. Being able to use his mouth to suck and taste his food instead of having it administered straight into his stomach via a tube down his nose, also helped greatly.

As the nurse gathered Dominic up and gently transferred him into Mac's arms, Mattie pondered aloud, "Do you think that maybe actually breast-feeding him might help his recovery even more?"

Mac got Dominic settled, before answering.

"It's something I've been thinking about," she admitted, "so I asked Doctor Tess about it. But she mentioned that at least initially, most premature babies have trouble with breast-feeding, because they've become accustomed to suckling from a bottle. There are different tongue placements involved and babies like Dominic often need to be taught, before they'll succeed in getting it right."

"Oh, okay," Mattie conceded. After all of the struggle that Dominic had been through over the past months, it was so good to see him settled and comfortable not having to fight to keep his present weight, let alone put anymore on, "We'll just stay at this, then, huh? Dominic seems happy and to be doing well…"

"Yes," Mac agreed, "We'll just continue like this, for now, at least."

They were both surprised when Harm returned to the hospital so quickly, with his Mother, too.

"Hey, I thought he'd want to get Trish settled in, first…" she commented to Mattie, who just shrugged.

When they had both donned gloves, gowns and masks, Trish was immediately at Mac and Mattie's side.

"Mac, Mattie, darlings," her greeting was warm, yet gentle, considerate of the tiny baby who was now asleep in Mac's arms.

"Hi Trish," Mac hugged the woman back, one-armed, "How was your flight over?"

"Fine, just fine," Trish told her, "I barely even noticed it, I was so eager to get here. How are the two of you? Mattie, you look like you're doing so well!"

"I'm okay," Mattie told her and Mac added.

"She's doing incredibly well. Harm and I wouldn't have been able to do without her help, over the past few weeks. She's so good with Dominic, he absolutely adores her."

"Ah, what a beautiful little angel!" Trish stroked a finger gently across the little boy's cheek, "He's tiny, but that's easily remedied…Harm's been telling me how much you've been doing for Dominic, Mac."

Mac looked to Harm, in question, but his face gave nothing away as to how much he'd actually told his Mom about her involvement in Dominic's recovery, so she just assumed that he'd given her the basics, but not the full story, yet.

"Yes, he's doing so well, now," Mac nodded, "He's beginning to put weight on faster, but we're just so glad he's keeping it on and not losing it like he was."

"That's just his little stomach getting to grips with life on the outside," Trish commented, "When Harmon was a baby, he vomited his feeds for the first few days before he kept anything down and he wasn't even born early, he was two weeks late!"

Mac smiled and looked back to Dominic, who was squirming because he was being disturbed. She gently settled him down again, rubbing around his jaw hinge and lower ear, knowing after three weeks of experimentation that this was one of the things that relaxed him and sent him to sleep.

"And what about you, Mattie?" Harm directed towards his daughter, "Tell Trish about all of the things you've been doing in PT."

"I haven't mastered getting from my bed to my chair yet," Mattie told Trish, "That's still a work in progress but if I can get help from the nurses, I can then wheel myself down here from my room, to sit with Dominic while Harm and Mac are still at work. He likes to have somebody with him, so I try to come down a couple of times in the afternoon, once my morning PT is done. And then, I come again to see Harm and Mac, once I've had my evening session, too."

Mattie continued telling Trish all about the last few weeks and when Dominic's doctor came by, they introduced her to Trish.

Before she got back to work, she took the time to check on Mac, because the constant pumping would no doubt be taking a toll on her, on top of her busy professional life at JAG.

"How are you doing, Colonel," she asked, "Are you feeling very tired?"

"I'm not so bad, today," Mac told her, truthfully, "Work hasn't been so bad, lately. The stream of cases usually starts to slow down, at this time of year, thankfully."

"Okay, well if you need me to prescribe anything like an herbal tonic, something to help pick you up, just ask me, okay?"

"Thanks, Doctor, Tess," Mac nodded, "I'll do that…"

Once she was gone, Trish remarked, "It's amazing how involved doctors are these days! And not just with their patients, but with the families of patients, too."

"Doctor Tess has been great," Harm told her, "Dominic couldn't be in better hands, at least as far as doctors are concerned."

When they went to head home that night, after tucking both Dominic and Mattie into bed, Mac stole a quick opportunity in the parking lot to find out just what Harm had told his Mom, in regards to how they were caring for Dominic.

"What have you explained about Dominic's care to your Mom, Harm?"

"Only the basics, just yet, Mac," he apologized, "When I picked her up at the airport, she barely stopped talking to take a breath and she insisted on coming straight here. We didn't even get the opportunity to drop her luggage off at my place."

"That's okay," Mac reassured him, "I just wanted to know so that I know how much to mention myself…"

"I'll explain everything to her tonight," Harm promised, then amended, 'Unless you want to be there, when I do…I could put it off until tomorrow?"

"No," Mac shook her head, "Just go ahead and tell her. It's probably better that we get this all out in the open and I'm sure your Mom's going to be fine about it. Just look at how well Mattie, Bud and Harriet took the news…Your Mom was a mother herself, she'll understand how important this is for Dominic…But do you mind if I just head home? I'm really starting to get tired and I still have to pump several times tonight."

"You get yourself home, then," Harm gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the top of the head, "Take care of yourself, Marine and I'll see you at work, tomorrow."

Mac pulled up beside the hospital entrance first, to say goodnight to Trish, then she made her way home to relax in the bath for a little while, before settling in bed to use the pump before she went to sleep.

OOOO


	13. Chapter 13

OOOO

Part 13

Harm brought his Mom back to his building, bringing her things into Jen's place so that she could get unpacked and settled in. Harm had been about to book a hotel room for his Mom, when Jen had told him to just settle her in, in Mattie's room. When Mattie had reconciled with her Father, it had only been used for occasional guests of Jen's and it seemed a waste to rent a room at a hotel, when there was a room for her so close to Harm's apartment.

After getting an evening snack, Jen decided to retire early for the night, so that Harm could get some time alone to catch up with his Mom.

Harm took this as the ideal opportunity to tell his Mom just what he and Mac had decided upon, for Dominic's future. She took it all in without batting an eyelid.

"We just figure it's the best thing for him and since Sergei wanted Mac to play a big role in his upbringing anyway…"

"Of course it's the best thing for him," Trish nodded, "I think that is wonderful! I always said, didn't I, that Mac was quite the girl! She's a really wonderful young woman, doing all of this for Dominic…"

"Yeah Mom, I know," Harm conceded, softly, but he couldn't keep the admiration for his JAG partner out of his voice.

OOOO

Trish ended up spending a lot of time at the hospital with Mattie, Harm and Dominic over the next few days, though not just by choice, but because the General sent Mac out to an investigation aboard the Patrick Henry. Even though she pumped as much as she could before she went, the entire four days she was there Mac's thoughts were constantly on Dominic and how he was managing without her there… He'd taken a bad turn, the last time she'd been away, but now that he was having his feeds supplemented with breast-milk, Mac hoped that he'd be better.

Besides pumping (although what milk that was produced had to be discarded) there was little Mac could do while aboard but focus on the job at hand. She stepped up the pumping sessions, just in case her milk supply dropped because she wasn't having the close contact with Dominic that she normally did.

By the time that the investigation was over, it was nearly too late in the day to arrange for a helo to take her back to Norfolk.

"Would you prefer to stay another night, Colonel?" the skipper asked, "By the time you get to Norfolk, you're looking at a late-night drive back to DC…"

"I'd prefer just to head home, Sir, if that's alright," Mac couldn't quell to desire to get home, asap.

"You'd better go and pack your belongings, then. Be topside, pronto, I'll arrange for a helo…"

"Thank you, Sir," Mac snapped off a salute, before going to retrieve all of her belongings, which had truthfully been packed since before she'd even begun her final report.

The ride to the nearest base and the connecting transport back to Norfolk was bumpy, but that was nothing compared to the drive back to DC. Mac had been quite uncomfortable since soon after she left the Henry, but now, with so much time having passed since she last pumped, she was in significant pain.

"Damn!" she pondered stopping to use a public restroom, somewhere, before catching sight of the exit for the hospital and changing her mind.

When she got into the NICU, she quickly dropped down and started searching through her bag, looking for her breast-pump.

"Hello, Colonel! Nice to see you back!" Doctor Tess greeted her, then noticed Mac's agitation, "Are you okay, Mac?"

"Not really," Mac sighed, still rummaging through her disheveled belongings, "It's been too long since I pumped anything and now…I'm in pain."

"It's okay," Tess guided her to a chair, "We'll just skip the usual pumping and try something that will give you more instant relief…How about if we just feed Dominic straight from your breast, this time? It will mean that we don't need to sterilize anything and Dominic will get it straight away…How about it? Just this time, because you both really need it…"

At this point, Mac would have done anything just to get relief from the pain and discomfort.

"Yeah, okay…this time," Mac nodded, as Tess helped her drop down the shoulder of her gown and lift up her t-shirt, to prepare her breast.

"Okay," she then lifted Dominic over, explaining, "this may not work straight away. Like I told you earlier this week, babies who have gotten used to the bottle sometimes learn a tongue position that doesn't work with breast-feeding. But he might figure it out first time and if not, we'll just grab your breast pump."

Mac reflexively took a deep breath and held it, as Tess helped get Dominic settled. At first, Dominic's little tongue kept rejecting Mac's nipple from his mouth, but with perseverance, he managed a few, frustrated sucks. Tess gently eased her finger into Dom's mouth and corrected the position of his tongue.

"How's that feel, Colonel? She then asked, a few minutes later.

"Truthfully, a little painful," Mac frowned, "although the aching has mostly gone…at least in that side…"

Tess had known that part of it had been psychological, due to Mac's separation from the baby over the past four days.

"Well, that's probably because he's used to a fuller flow that the bottle usually gives," Tess told her, while thinking, " I tell you what, why don't I get one of the nurses to set up a supplimenter? That way, Dominic will be getting more at once, yet it'll still contain a good bit of your breast-milk. Maybe then he'll relax and ease up on you…"

Mac nodded, hoping that would help.

When Tess came back, she had the needed device all set up; she just had to secure it in place with some hypo-allergenic tape. Dominic wasn't too fond of being pulled away while Tess secured the supplimenter in place and draped the cord holding the bottle around Mac's neck.

"Okay, let's try that," she commented, explaining, "I secured it on the other side, this time, so that your other breast can get some relief…"

This time Dominic settled much faster, with just a bit more manipulation of his tongue and Mac was thankful that this time with the supplimenter helping things along, Dominic was much gentler.

"Oh, thank God!" Mac sighed, softly, "That feels much better!"

"There, now…and you probably won't need to pump again, before tomorrow morning," Tess commented, "And I think Dominic's going to sleep very soundly, tonight…"

"Oh, I think I will, too," Mac told her, "Work's been a bear this week and now this seems to be sending me to sleep."

"That's the oxytocin," Tess informed her, smiling, "It's a relaxing hormone that is produced when a woman nurses her baby. You're probably just so relaxed, you feel as if you're going to go to sleep…But it's not uncomfortable? Some women occasionally experience the sensation of 'let-down,' where milk is ejected from the breast through the nipple, as uncomfortable…"

"Is that the tingling?" Mac asked and when Tess nodded, continued, "No, it's not uncomfortable at all…It's sort of warm…"

"Here, let me help you," Tess moved to grab a pump, so that the milk that was now coming from Mac's other breast could be collected and frozen for Dominic's later use.

By the time Dominic fell asleep, Mac felt like she was near to it, herself.

"Why don't you ask the reception to call you a cab? You probably shouldn't drive, just now," Tess suggested, as Mac got her clothes re-arranged, "It's no problem for you to leave your car in the front parking lot."

"Yeah, I'll do that," Mac nodded, joking, "If I don't think I can make it that far, I could just go up and ask Mattie to share her bed…"

Tess chuckled, unaware that the subject of Mac's comment had been standing at one of the NICU's windows, just out of their notice.

OOOO


	14. Chapter 14

OOOO

Part 14

"Why don't you just feed him like you did last night?" Mattie asked Mac, as she rolled into the NICU, the next evening.

"You saw that?" Mac looked momentarily wary.

"Yeah and it seemed to be good for both you and Dominic, so why not just continue that way?"

"I was just so uncomfortable after the long journey home, I just wanted to ease the pain," Mac explained, "But a decision like that should probably be run by Harm, first."

"Okay," Mattie accepted, "He said he and Grandma Trish will be by a little later, today. He's got a full day of depositions."

"Yeah, Bud told me, at the office, today."

OOOO

"Have you talked with Mac, since she got back?" Mattie asked Harm, the next evening when he came to check on her after PT.

"No, I was out at Quantico all of yesterday," Harm shook his head, "And then she was in court, most of today. Why?"

"No reason," Mattie shook her head, "She just seemed very tired, the other night…"

"Was that after she got back from the Henry?" Harm asked, "She was probably tired after all of that traveling…Don't worry, kiddo, I'll make sure that she takes care of herself…"

OOOO

"Hey," Harm greeted his favorite Marine, as he entered the NICU, "Is he done with his bottle, already?"

"Yeah," Mac nodded, looking at the little boy who was once again asleep, "I got here a little early, but his appetite has really seemed to pick up…"

"That's great," Harm smiled, focusing his eyes on the baby, but watching Mac, in his peripheral vision, "And are you doing okay? You've been very busy, this past week."

"It's getting better, now," Mac nodded, "I've been sleeping much better, now that I'm home, even with the court cases I'm dealing with. But if it gets to be too much for me, I promise, I'll let you know. I could always request some time off work, if that's the case. I've got leave I'll have to take within the next few months, anyway…"

"Yeah, that could be a good idea," Harm agreed, before speaking up.

"I also wanted to talk to you about something…I was talking with my Mom, last night and one of the issues that came up was what is going to happen, once Dominic and Mattie come home. The elevator in my building barely even works, sometimes, I can't have Mattie living down the hall from me when she will need so much help and a one-bedroom apartment just isn't going to cut it. It's not child-friendly and it's only going to be a matter of time before Dominic is mobile. You're way across town…If we're going to raise him together, we really need to think about at least being closer together, if not co-habiting. I think we need to start looking around for a house…"

After a second of pause, Mac acknowledged, "Yeah, that would probably be better for all of us…being in one place and all…Did you have any ideas about where we should start looking?"

"Mom said that she'd help us out by starting to look for something suitable then she'll show them to us, to get our okay, before we arrange a viewing. But I don't want you to worry about anything to do with finding a house. You just focus on yourself and on Dominic."

Mac smiled at how thoughtful Harm was being about her comfort and well-being, but attributed it to simple gratitude.

OOOO

After nearly a week, Mac knew that she really had to talk to Harm about the breastfeeding option. Her milk supply seemed to have reached a plateau, though Tess had told her that she might be able to boost it if she breastfed Dominic, instead of just expressing her milk. Although producing nourishing milk was only part of the benefit to Dominic, Mac wanted to provide as much as possible for his nutritional needs.

"I was talking to Doctor Tess, the other day," she began, as she sat at lunch with Harm, trying to keep to the words she had practiced, "and I was explaining to her that my milk supply seems to have hit a plateau…"

"But it's not diminished at all, has it?" Harm asked.

"No," Mac shook her head.

"Did Tess not say to you that any milk for Dominic is better than nothing at all?" He asked.

"Yes, and I understand that," Mac nodded, "but the way I feel is that I want to do as much as I can to help Dominic. Tess said there's a way to help build up my milk supply…"

"Not drugs?" Harm looked her in the eye, sharply, "'Cause I won't agree to anything that will put you at risk…"

"No," Mac quickly assured him, "Nothing to do with any kind of drug, whatsoever…It may actually help both Dominic and I, actually…"

"How?" Harm asked cueing Mac to continue, to tell him more.

"Well," Mac began afresh, having now lost all of the words that had been in her head, "At the moment I'm pumping between 8 and 12 times a day, which is exhausting enough, but Tess has said that many nursing mothers believe that it doesn't make all that much difference to their milk supply. On top of that, at the hospital we've been sterilizing bottles and all the equipment we're using and Dominic is losing time with us, because of it. Work has been keeping me so busy and on top of all of that, I still have to get up and pump twice during the night…"

"I thought Tess said you might not need to pump during the night at all…" Harm interrupted.

"It was always a possibility, not a guarantee," Mac corrected him, "This is all different for any woman in my position…Some manage with just the breast pump, some take drugs and herbs, some women use…other ways. But it's different for everyone. I just need to find what suits Dominic and I best…"

"So this… 'other way'…How might this help you two and what exactly is involved?" Harm asked.

"Well, the fact is; I'm expressing milk which is then given to Dominic," Mac began, "Tess tells me that for some women, a machine just can't do the job that an actual infant can. Many adopting Mothers decide to wait until they have actually received their child before they begin to nurse just in case things fall through…"

"How?" Harm looked confused, "How does that work, having the baby there, before starting to induce…?"

"Well, some have nursed another child previously. But some have never had a child at all, so they use a piece of specially designed equipment called a supplimenter. It's a bottle that you fill with milk. It has silicon tubes attached which bring the milk out of the bottle and to the baby's mouth. This tube is taped in place, so that the baby can be fed at the breast and although the mother isn't actually producing anything, the baby is still being fed through the supplimenter, the mother is getting the stimulation needed to help bring in her milk supply and they are both benefiting from the close contact that normal nursing provides."

"So the idea would be that you would nurse Dominic?' Harm asked.

"Yes, if that's okay with you," Mac nodded, "I thought we could at least talk about the option…"

"Of course it's okay with me, Mac," Harm smiled, looking relieved, "I just never brought up the issue because I didn't know if you'd be comfortable with it. I thought you might want to keep some distance, during all of this…"

"No, not at all," Mac shook her head, strongly, "I want whatever is best for Dominic…I just wasn't sure how close you'd want me to get…"

"I want us to raise him together," Harm took her hand, "And I want the best for both you and Dominic, too. This is totally your call, Mac. If this will be easier for you, make it easier for you to manage then we can do this. If it begins to gets to be too much for you or if Dominic gets well enough, you only have to say the word and we'll stop this, okay? We can discuss anything, talk it out together to decide what is best for all of us, as a family…Okay?"

"Okay," Mac nodded, a little stunned at Harm's use of the word 'family.' It may be a little unconventional compared to most, but that's what they were to become…A really blended family!

OOOO


	15. Chapter 15

OOOO

Part 15

"Why don't we go and get something at the cafeteria, let Mac and Dominic have an hour of peace?" Harm suggested as Mattie and his Mother sat around, watching as Mac finished changing Dominic's tiny, doll-sized diaper.

His mother agreed and persuaded Mattie to come with them, even though Mac could tell that she really wanted to stay there and continue watching her amazing little brother.

"Do you want us to bring you anything back?" she asked Mac, thoughtfully.

"How about a cupcake or something?" Mac told her.

She wasn't actually hungry now, but she might feel like a light snack, once she had finished nursing Dominic.

After going to wash her hands and re-glove, she returned to Dominic's incubator and a nurse helped her lift him out and settle themselves down into a comfy chair.

"Doctor Tess said that this went well, the last time," she kindly woman commented, as she helped Mac lower her gown.

"Yes, it did," Mac nodded and thanked the woman when she provided a warm blanket to wrap around her and Dominic, so that they would keep toasty warm in the cool of the room.

"Okay, we'll just take off your bra and lift your shirt up, so that we can get the supplimenter fitted…Did Dominic have any problems latching on, last time?"

"Tess said that he had his tongue in the wrong position…"

"Yes, that's common with babies who go from the bottle, back to breast…We'll just have to correct it as we need to. How about you? Was it painful or uncomfortable?"

"Not too painful, but it was very uncomfortable before we started using the supplimenter. He kept clamping his gums, I think because less was flowing out than he usually gets from his bottle."

"Yeah, that's normal when you first begin nursing," the nurse nodded, "but the supplimenter should have helped with that problem…"

"Yes, it did," Mac confirmed.

Once all was ready, Mac did as Tessa had shown her last time, getting Dominic latched on with only a little trouble.

"See, isn't that much better!?" the nurse approved, "You two are getting on great!"

Dominic did indeed seem to be enjoying the experience, although they then had to correct his tongue position and get him latched on again, but once she had time to get used to it and relax, Mac did, as well. Subconsciously, she was hoping that fate would smile down upon them and that she'd have the opportunity to continue enjoying this with Dominic for a long time to come. Harriet had told her that she'd nursed hers boys and girl past their weaning period and into toddlerhood.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Mattie excused herself from the table, saying she was going to return upstairs and get a nurse's help to use the restroom, but instead went back to the doors of the NICU.

Watching Mac and Dominic so absorbed in each other, so oblivious to the outside world, Mattie quickly decided that no matter what, no matter how hard she had to work to get her mobility back, she would one day have exactly what Mac had.

OOOO

Harm returned from the kitchen to find that Mac had fallen asleep on the sofa. They'd had a busy day looking at houses then had gone to the hospital so that they could feed and spend some time with first Dominic, then Mattie. Now they were back at Harm's apartment and Harm's Mom had returned next door soon after they finished with dinner.

Even knowing that it was late, Harm still didn't have the heart to wake Mac, she looked absolutely exhausted and they didn't have to work the next day, as it was a Sunday. He decided to let her sleep for now and if she didn't wake up soon, he'd just carry her through to his bed, while he would take the couch for the night.

Whatever routine household or work-related task he took care of, over the next two hours, he would glance back to Mac, sometimes getting caught up in her beauty and staring for minutes on end.

When he surmised it to be near to midnight, he decided to just bring her through and get her settled for the night in his bed.

She woke up as they were ascending the steps to the bedroom.

"Hmm?" she stirred, asking sleepily, "Harm?"

"It's okay," Harm told her, "You fell asleep a couple of hours ago. I'm going to take the couch for the night so that you can get some decent sleep."

"Oh, Harm. You don't have to do that," Mac shook her head, "I can take the couch…"

"No," he insisted, "I won't negotiate on this…You get a good night of sleep, I'll be fine on the couch."

He gently eased her into bed, tucking the sheets in around her.

"G'night Mac," he bid her softly, before leaning down to drop a kiss on her forehead.

As he pulled away afterwards, though, he seemed to pause, before coming back to kiss her on the cheek, then at the corner of her mouth. Mac turned towards him, leaning up and bringing their lips together for a chaste, but intimate kiss. After looking into each other's eyes for a few seconds that seemed an eternity, Harm cupped her face tenderly with his hand, whispering good night to her again, knowing that she needed sleep, no matter what he felt at that present moment.

Mac settled back down again, as he retreated from the room, turning out the lights as he went. She paused to snuggle her face into the pillows and sheets, smelling a faint hint of her flyboy on them before drifting off into a deep, peaceful sleep.

OOOO

It was somewhere near three am when Harm was jolted out of sleep by a sudden noise nearby him.

"Mac?"

"Sorry," she apologized, explaining, "I just came to grab my bag."

She'd taken to bringing a small bag with her, wherever she went, after the incident at JAG and on the way home from the Patrick Henry, so that she'd never be caught by surprise.

"Uh, I think I dropped it by the door…" Harm told her.

"Yeah, I just hit the end-table on my way there…You've re-landscaped, since the last time I've been here."

"Yeah, sorry about that. You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

"No, but I made noise…I'm sorry I woke you up."

"It's no problem. Can you manage? Can I get you anything?"

"No…I just need my pump, that's all…"

Harm felt like kicking himself for asking that question! Of course she'd need to pump and there was little he could do to help her with that!

"Oh, sorry…stupid question…I'll just leave you to it…" he blushed, in the darkness.

"No, don't worry about it," Mac told him, on her way back to the bedroom, bag in hand, "I'll try to keep out of the way of the furniture…Mind if I put some bottles in the freezer, for Dominic?"

"Go ahead," Harm told her, "I'll uh…I'll see you in the morning…"

"G'night, Harm," Mac disappeared back into the bedroom.

Harm had some trouble getting back to sleep, so was still awake when Mac made her way to the kitchen, to put the bottles of Dominic's milk in the freezer. He didn't say anything, though, determined not to say something stupid and put his foot further into his mouth.

OOOO


	16. Chapter 16

OOOO

Part 16

Two months later…

Mac gave a little sigh, as she settled back on the couch, with Dominic resting against her, nursing.

Looking around the beautiful, four-bedroom, single-storey house that she and Harm now called home, she immediately marveled at how much had changed in such a short period of time.

Firstly, she and Harm had found this beautiful house that was perfect for them and their little family, all ready to move into, yet still undeveloped enough for Harm to make some adjustments to it, in preparation for Mattie coming home, in a few weeks time.

Dominic had been discharged from the hospital three days previous, after he'd reached his target weight of seven pounds. He was still very small and markedly behind most babies of a similar age born full-term, but was making remarkable progress, in what Harm and Mac had accepted was his own time.

Mac had maternity leave from JAG, so she could get Dominic settled in and the full adoption would be finalized in about four months time.

Harm split his time away from work between caring for Dominic, cooking for and spending time with Mac, visiting Mattie and preparing to bring her home and updating friends and relatives on how they were all doing. This of course didn't leave much time for sleeping, but he wasn't complaining, as the General had kindly promised to keep him in DC as much as possible, over the next few months. He had also agreed that for the time being, there wasn't any need to talk about transfers, but asked that Harm let him know if he thought there was any need to discuss such a matter, so as not to risk jeopardizing cases.

Breaking the news to the rest of the JAG crew had been a tense event, but although everyone was very surprised at first, they were also very supportive, although they grasped that this was not a relationship in the usual sense.

Harm and Mac had decided to keep things at the status quo, although the temptation to push things forward was at times unbearable, for both of them. They had the kids to consider, so changing too much at once was probably not such a good idea. They were happy to stay at just 'friends,' for now.

They held a small barbeque to celebrate Dominic's homecoming, though only the JAG crew were invited, because a larger celebration would be held, once Mattie came home to complete their family. Trish and Frank had promised that they would be on the first plane over for this and Harm planned to go and pick up his Grandma Sarah, in Pennsylvania.

Mac spent most of her time with Harriet during the barbeque, because Harriet had been helping out with advice, as she was still nursing both of her year-old babies. They had become very close during the last couple of months, although mostly they could only talk over the phone, from the comfort of their own homes, what with Dominic's specialist needs and Harriet's four children.

Now, Mac luxuriated in the time she spent at home, alone with Dominic and for the first time in all of her working-life, she was not bored without the stimulation that law provided.

Mac looked down to find that Dominic had fallen asleep, still latched onto her. Pulling up a light blanket from the foot of the couch, she wrapped it around herself and Dominic, unlatched him and settled them down against the pillows to take a nap.

OOOO

When Harm got home from work, he could still feel a remnant of the stress headache that had plagued him for much of the day. As soon as he got to the living room and glanced around though, he felt it melt away, while the bottom dropped out of his stomach and conversely, his heart rose to somewhere in his throat. He knew he had yet to see anything quite so beautiful as the sight before him. This was what life was all about. Forget dogfights and catching the wire on a storm-tossed carrier…There was little in life that compared to these things, but the secrets between mother and baby beat them, hands-down!

Mac was sleeping peacefully, while Dominic seemed to be nursing from her, snuggled up within a blanket that was wrapped around the both of them. Harm treated himself to a closer glimpse, but knew that he should give Mac some privacy and get a start on their dinner.

Since they had moved into the new house, although the two of them were much closer and affectionate with one another, they had both moved into separate rooms, Mac taking Dominic in with her and Harm in the room next door. They also usually adhered to the unspoken rules that other house-mates shared, knocking before entering the other's domain and keeping most private matters behind closed doors.

Harm knew without a doubt, that with the way he had been feeling for the last five months, it was only a matter of time before he caved and attempted to push for more. And it would certainly take all of his willpower to wait even until the next week! But he was determined to take this at the speed Mac would be most comfortable with.

As the food was boiling and simmering on the stove top and cooking in the oven, Harm went to set the table.

He heard Mac stir, then chuckle, when she discovered Dominic to be nursing, once more.

"Good morning, you two," Harm greeted them, cheerfully and Mac didn't show any surprise or apprehension when he came back over to sit on the sofa beside her. She just wrapped the blanket a bit higher around them, before turning to Harm and returning the greeting, asking how his day had been. He told her all about his meeting with the SECNAV, his follow-up meeting with the General and how he'd had to send Jen out for a new bottle of Advil, afterwards.

Mac smiled through it all, only looking away every now and then to check on Dominic and correct his tongue position, occasionally.

Harm marveled at what a natural mother she was. She couldn't possibly be more tender with Dominic, even if she had personally given birth to him.

"How long is dinner going to be?" she asked Harm.

"It's nearly done, but I can turn it right down and just keep it warm," he told her.

"Great," Mac exclaimed, as she shifted Dominic to the other side and resumed nursing him, "because your boy here doesn't seem to want to stop…"

Harm chuckled, leaning over to stroke the boy's head, dropping a kiss on top of hers, before getting up to turn off the stove-top and put everything in the oven.

"Well, I'll just let him have as much as he wants," Mac settled back into the corner of the couch, happy to let Dominic dictate when she got her own dinner.

OOOO


	17. Chapter 17

OOOO

Part 17

"C'mon, Nikki, Sweetie," Harriet called her younger daughter to her, "Michael, do you want to come with Nikki and Mommy, or stay with Daddy?"

Little Michael scampered over to Bud, giving his answer.

"Okay," Harriet told him, "You boys be good."

"Yes, Harriet," Harm joked, from the couch, where they were watching a football game.

"Harm," Mac asked, "What time did you say your parents were getting here?"

"Um, they estimated about three o'clock. They've got to go and pick the hire car up, after they pick up their luggage. We've still got plenty of time…"

"Did you put those bath and hand towels in their room, like I asked?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Harm replied.

With a quirky smile, she and Harriet then left 'the boys' to it.

"You're not ever going to give me problems, are you Dom?" Mac asked the baby cuddled in her arms, "No, because you're Mommy's little marine, aren't you?"

Harriet smiled, glad to finally see her friend and mentor with all the happiness that she deserved. She had heard everything Harm and Mac had told her about the arrangement of their family life, but knew it was just a matter of time before they realized that they both deserved and wanted more than that. Those two belonged together; Harriet had always believed that.

They got settled in Mac's bedroom and had only been nursing a while when there was a knock on the bedroom door.

"Uh, Harriet, Michael's decided that he does want to nurse…" Bud's voice came through the closed door.

"Just send him in, Bud," Harriet told her husband.

"Come on in, Bud," Mac told him, "It's okay…"

Bud opened the door and came in, but kept his eyes averted as he carried young Michael over to his wife. Most of the time he had trouble calling Mac by her name and not calling her 'Ma'am.' He was painfully aware that his superior officer and workplace mentor was nursing nearby.

When he quickly made his way straight out again, shutting the door behind him, Mac gave a little chuckle.

"Was he that shy when you first began nursing Little AJ?" she asked Harriet, who replied, "No, but it's different with me. I'm his wife. He looks upon you as almost a big sister…Just think of it as a measure of his of respect for you."

"Hmm," Mac nodded, mulling it over as she changed Dominic over to her other breast.

"May I ask, Mac…" Harriet wrangled with asking the question that had long bounced about in her head and quieting the urge, just in case it made things uncomfortable, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I understand that this may be incredibly personal, but…"

"It's okay, Harriet," Mac encouraged her.

"What is Commander Rabb like around you, if you're nursing Dominic?" Harriet was satisfied that the question had come out in the innocent, curious tone that it was meant in, not sounding too prying.

"Pretty much like Bud was, back there! Okay, maybe not that uncomfortable, but if he needs anything in this room, he asks for permission then it's straight in and straight out again!" Mac smiled, "I mean things between us aren't like they are with you and Bud, even though we're dedicated to raising Dominic together. We're just friends and I suppose even the best of friends don't share quite that much…It's got to be quite uncomfortable for him…"

What Mac didn't know was that Harm could have basked in the sight of her nursing Dominic all-day, everyday. She'd been asleep that day, a few weeks before and the only thing that had moved Harm away from looking his fill was the fact that he had enormous respect for her and in her unconscious state, she hadn't chosen for anyone to observe her during this very intimate act. It was amazing, yes. But it wasn't right to observe her at length when she had little choice in the matter, at least in Harm's mind. He was thinking that she would prefer things to happen this way, while she thought that he thought the same!

OOOO

"Frank!! They're home!" Trish shouted out to Frank, who was putting hand-railings up in the ground-floor bathroom.

Frank quickly set everything aside and joined Trish, who was holding Dominic, out on the front porch, watching as Harm pull the car into the drive.

"Welcome home!" Trish and Frank shouted, as Harm lifted out and set up Matttie's chair, which he then lifted her into. After Mac pushed her up the ramp and into the house, they were able to say hello properly and show Mattie all round her new home, with all of the modifications that would help her adjust.

"Okay, so now that you've shown me around," Mattie couldn't wait any longer, "NOW do I get to cuddle my baby brother?!"

Mac just smiled and brought him over and settled him into Mattie's arms.

"You're good with him, darling," Trish told her new Grand-daughter.

"I had friend in rehab who taught me how to hold them and take care of them," Mattie told them, "Shirley was amazing; she lost her arm just below the elbow in a car accident, but she was so much better with her baby than a lot of new mothers."

"She taught you well," Mac smiled then asked, "Would you like to feed him?"

"He still uses bottles?" Mattie asked, surprised.

"When it's more convenient, yeah," Mac went to the kitchen to prepare the bottle, while Harm and his parents stayed in the living room to fuss over Mattie and Dominic.

Mac helped Mattie get settled, when she brought the bottle back for Dominic's feed.

"So he doesn't have any problems with taking a bottle when he's used to the real thing?"

"Not usually, but he's used to both, now," Mac told her, "Sometimes he forgets which he's getting, so he has his tongue positioned wrong, but he usually gets it right once he's been corrected…"

"Hey Mac, did Dominic turn his head when you touched his cheek, when he was first in the hospital?"

"You mean like his rooting reflex?" Mac asked, "No, I think he was too premature…but it kicked in later…Did Shirley tell you about that?"

"No, but I read it in one of her books," Mattie shook her head, "I wanted to be able to help you and Harm out as much as possible, once I came home and my therapist helped me learn some of the practical ways of doing the things that wouldn't normally be a problem, for people without spinal injuries…"

"That's great, Mattie!" Harm gave her a hug, joking, "Does that mean that we can count on you to do the early morning diaper change?"

Mattie shot him a look that said, 'Don't even think about it!'

Everybody else burst out laughing.

OOOO


	18. Chapter 18

OOOO

Part 18

"C'mon in," Mac replied, after hearing a light tap at her bedroom door.

The room was nice and warm and Dominic was lying on some towels laid out on the bed, with just his diaper on.

Harm stuck his head around the door, pausing to give one of his dazzling, fly-boy smiles when he caught sight of Mac with Dominic.

"You guys getting ready for baby massage?" he asked.

"Yeah," Mac nodded, asking, "What's everyone else getting up to?"

"Mom's with Mattie in her room, getting all of her stuff settled and Frank's on the phone to the catering company, to make sure everything is ready for tomorrow."

"Okay," Mac nodded again, as she got the bottle of baby oil and unstuck the tapes at the sides of Dominic's diaper.

"What are all of the towels for?" Harm asked as Mac poured some of the baby oil out and warmed it between her hands.

"Just in case somebody springs a leak!" Mac chuckled, "The cool air seems to have that effect on our little marine!"

Harm gave a little laugh, before just standing and watching them.

"You wanna try it?" Mac asked when he stood and stared for a while, without shifting his gaze.

"No, you're doing great," Harm shook his head, not moving his eyes away from them.

"You sure?" Mac asked.

"Yes," Harm replied, softly, "Keep going. He's really enjoying that…"

"He loves interaction," Mac told him, "Occasionally I'll fall asleep while he's feeding. When he's done, he's woken me up, because I'm not paying him any attention!"

Harm snickered. If he woke up next a woman as gorgeous as Mac, he'd probably be very tempted to wake her up. And if it were Mac, beautiful and naked as the day she were born…Well! That didn't bear thinking about…

"C'mon Daddy!" Mac encouraged, "Dom wants you over here too! C'mon, that's it."

Harm went over and sat on the bed carefully, so he didn't jostle the baby.

"Hey!" he greeted his son, "Are you having fun, huh? Can Daddy join in?"

Dominic gave his answer in the form of a high, arcing stream!

Harm and Mac laughed and squealed in surprise and delight, quickly grabbing some towels and containing the leak.

"I think we have our answer!" Mac was still laughing, as she secured Dominic's diaper back on.

"Yep," Harm nodded, ruefully, "Baby massage is an activity for just Dom and Mommy…Oh well, we have our own fun things to do, don't we, buddy? They're probably not as fun as the stuff you get to do with Mommy. He's jealous, but don't you worry, Daddy will survive!"

Mac swatted him with a clean towel, as he hurried back out of the room.

OOOO

Everyone had arrived, the food had been unveiled and the party was in full swing. Mattie had requested that they hire a DJ and lay a dance floor, because even though she couldn't dance, she insisted that that was no reason for everyone else to stay in their seats the whole night.

"Are you sure, sweetie?" Harm asked, "I'm sure that nobody would even notice it, if we just had some good music playing, but no dance floor."

"Absolutely!" Mattie insisted.

Now there were lots of people on the dance floor, after Harm and Mac had assured them it was Mattie's decision and that she wanted everyone to have a good time, tonight.

When Mac had eaten and had a dance or two, Harriet came over with Dominic, who was letting all nearby know that his stomach needed filled!

"How long are you going to deny yourself a life and a family?"

Harm was startled as his mother took a seat next to him. She had been eyeing him for long minutes, watching Mac as she took Dominic from Harriet and started inside with him.

"What are you talking about, Mom? I've got so much more than I had…"

"Yes, but that's not what you could have. Mac already wants to be the Mother of the child you are raising together…But what about being a partner to each other? Everyone can see how much you two mean to each other."

"We're just getting comfortable as we are. We've got the kids to consider, especially Mattie."

"The kids are fine, Harm. Allowing yourself to be happy isn't going to take anything away from them. Why not just try?"

"Mom, it's too soon. Besides, Mac's got enough to deal with, just now, with Dominic. Though she's happy with the baby, she's exhausted most of the time. I really don't think she's ready for anything more. Don't get me wrong…We've got a very happy relationship. And we're comfortable with it just now. Who knows what the future might hold, but we're happy to wait, just now…"

Trish gave a sigh, "Just don't leave it too long, Harm…Sometimes it's easier to do nothing and sit back while a one-time opportunity walks out the door. Please, _don't leave it too long!_"

Something about his Mother's words touched him deeply. He really didn't feel that she was trying to push him into this, just that she wanted happiness for him. His Mother knew him well, he'd always known that, but there was something else there, now. She was speaking to him not as his mother, but as somebody else who knew…Knew what it was like to lose a soul mate. By the time she was his age, she was already a mother and a widow…

"Don't worry Mom…I'm not going to shut the door on anything…I'm just waiting for the right time, okay?"

Trish nodded, giving her son another hug.

"C'mon, let's go and dance…" Harm smiled, getting up and pulling him out of her seat.

OOOO

"You still owe me a dance, Sailor," Mac smiled, as she approached where Harm had just sat down.

She'd left Dominic with his Grandma Trish, who looked after him like an old broody hen.

"Oh, if I must," he joked, with a twinkle in his eye, his smile letting Mac know that he had in fact been looking forward to this dance all night.

Once on the dance floor, he gathered her close and rested his head upon the top of hers, where it rested against his chest. In the minutes that followed, it was obvious to all and sundry that there was more to this couple than what they had been telling their co-workers and friends.

OOOO


	19. Chapter 19

OOOO

Part 19

Mac sighed as she settled back into her chair, next to Trish and Harriet. Today they were treating themselves to lunch on the beachfront in Norfolk, while the men held down the fort. Mac had left a well-stocked supply of bottles in the refrigerator, so as much as she loved her son, she didn't have to worry about him at all in the next few hours.

Conversation was plentiful, all three women having the commonality of motherhood and Mac and Harriet even enjoyed Trish's hilarious tales of Harm's childhood, delivered with perfect timing and gusto!

"So, ever time he gives me that 'commissioned officer of the United States Navy' speech. I just remind him that he's still the little boy I potty trained, all those years ago. He may be six foot three, but every single inch of that essentially came from my own body."

Harriet and Mac hadn't laughed so hard in a long time and combined with their large meal, their stomachs were aching.

They had finally finished their lunch and were about to order dessert to share when Mac's phone shrilled.

"MacKenzie…"

"Hey, it's me," Harm's harried voice greeted her, "I'm so sorry to curtail your day of peace, but I need you to come home…"

"Is the baby okay?" Mac quickly ascertained.

"He's great," Harm eased her worry, "He's diapered, fed and fast asleep…The problem is Mattie….She can't get out of the bath-tub and she won't let me come in the help her…"

"Harm, just grab a towel, go in there and wrap it around her before you help her out…"

"I've tried that, Mac…All I get is this…"

Mac heard a screech at the other end of the phone.

"DON'T YOU DARE! I TOLD YOU; MAC'S GOING TO GET ME OUT OF HERE AND NO-ONE ELSE!"

"Sounds like she means business," Mac now had great sympathy for him, realizing what he'd probably been dealing with for some time, now, "Hang in there, I'm just asking for the check…"

"Mattie," she heard Harm speak to their soon-to-be daughter, "You're going to catch cold…"

"Be home ASAP, Flyboy," Mac encouraged him, before hanging up.

She quickly explained to Trish and Harriet, who immediately pushed her towards her car.

"We'll take care of the check," Harriet said, "You go and take care of Mattie, I'll drop Trish by, later."

OOOO

Mac made it home in record time, without breaking any speed laws. She had been sorely tempted, though. She didn't think that Mattie was injured, but she was still worried, none-the-less. A small fall, even if it hadn't hurt her, would really knock her confidence.

"I'm home!" she announced, making her way to the first-floor bathroom, where Harm was sitting just outside the door.

"I'm sorry to pull you away, but she won't let me come in…"

"Don't worry about it," Mac put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "sometimes only a fellow female will do!"

She took the big bath towel he held out to her, gave a small knock on the door, announcing, "Mattie! I'm coming in!"

Mattie didn't give any protest, sitting huddled up in the bath-tub.

Mac quickly turned off the shower head, wrapping the towel around Mattie.

"What happened?" she asked, relieved, giving Mattie a quick hug, before helping her to stand.

I've hurt my arm; pulled something," Mattie told her, so relieved to finally have her guardian and role-model there, "I was stretching and something went…A muscle, I think. Then I couldn't lift myself up, even with holding onto the railings Grandpa Frank put up …"

"It's probably just a strain," Mac settled her down in her room and examined her arm, "Does it hurt?"

"A bit," Mattie nodded, "but mostly I just can't use it…It's like all the strength has gone…"

"Okay," Mac grabbed the heated pad out of the drawer below Mattie's bed, "Let's get this on it and something to take care of the pain, then we'll see if we need to get it checked out by a doctor."

While Mattie lay with the heated pad on her arm, Mac fetched the gel that was normally used on her sore muscles and her bathrobe. Helping Mattie into it, she took her arm and began to rub the sore appendage with slow, soothing strokes.

"Everything okay in there?" Harm's anxious voice came from where he was still standing outside Mattie's bedroom door.

"Everything's fine," Mac told him.

"C'mon in," Mattie invited him, "I'm decent, now!"

Harm, was still cautious, coming in.

"What happened?" he asked, watching Mac as she rubbed Mattie's arm.

"Just muscle strain, I think," Mattie assured him, "I just couldn't get out of the tub one-handed…"

"Mattie, you know that I wouldn't have peeked…" Harm began, but Mattie cut him off.

"Harm, you know I love you and we're a close family…But we're not that close!"

The subject seemed to be closed for discussion and Harm just accepted that there were some things that only another woman could be trusted with!

OOOO

Dominic had been crying on and off all morning, so Mac had been up for nearly six hours, now, although it was only 1000 hours.

"Is he okay?" Mattie asked, worriedly, as she wheeled herself into the kitchen, where Mac was sitting with the baby, opposite Harm, who eating toast.

"Yeah," Mac nodded, with a little smile, "he just seems to be in a bad mood, this morning."

Mac had come to know all of the cries Dominic used to advertise his different needs. This one didn't say 'pain.' It let them know that he wanted close contact and plenty of it. She was sleep deprived and had been awake for several hours, but she still enjoyed this, no matter how fussy Dominic was, as long as she knew that he wasn't in any pain or discomfort.

"How about a cuddle for your little brother?" Mac suggested and Mattie wheeled herself next to Mac, taking the little boy from her.

"He's got some strong lungs…" she commented, when Dominic didn't settle down, "Just when I thought I couldn't get any more surprised…"

Harm soon tried to get the baby settled, but it was soon obvious that only one person would do so. He was envious at times, but took great delight in watching the love of his life enfold their child in her nurturing arms.

"Well, he isn't due for another feed, but I suppose we don't really have any choice…C'mon, my little man…" Mac sighed, lifting the ill-tempered baby from Harm and making her way into her bedroom.

Mattie sat with Harm at the breakfast table for a short while then decided that Mac and Dominic might be more interesting. She'd so far tried to stay out of Mac's way, because she didn't know just how private Mac was, but seeing as she and Harriet often fed the babies together, she thought she might try and satisfy her curiosity.

"Mac, is Dominic okay?" she asked, from the bedroom door.

"Yeah, he's much happier, now…"

"Well, of course he is…I would be too…" Harm mumbled from the kitchen, but Mattie heard him and giggled.

"C'mon in, Mattie…" Mac invited, "It's okay; you can come in…"

Mattie opened the door and wheeled herself in, leaving Harm on his own in the kitchen.

He couldn't help but feel just a little left out and positively curious!

OOOO


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Okay, here's another installment! Hope you enjoy the Harm/Mac snugglies in this chapter, but be prepared; the angst is still far from over!

OOOO

Part 20

"Mac and Dom are napping," Mattie informed him, when she next emerged.

"I hope you're not becoming broody," Harm joked.

"No way!" Mattie answered, definitely, "Dom's wonderful and everything, but a baby just takes so much work…It's much better when you can hand them back to Mom and Dad, when the fun becomes less fun!"

"Just so long as it stays that way," Harm continued reading the newspaper.

"Whatever!" Mattie rolled back to her room, to take a nap, herself.

While Mattie took her own nap, Harm decided that Mac would probably feel like having a snack, soon. It wasn't lunchtime just yet, but with the demands that nursing made on her body, she tended to snack often throughout the day and Harm hadn't failed to notice this.

Opening the fridge, he picked out and prepared several portions of fruit, some little cookies, pineapple juice and brewed her some Mother's Milk tea. Piling it onto a tray, he made his way to Mac's room, giving a little tap on the door and pausing a minute, before going in. If she was in the middle of something, she'd let him know to give her a minute and if she was asleep, it wasn't loud enough to wake her and there wouldn't be anything to interrupt, anyway.

After pausing to look in on Dominic, where he was sleeping in his crib, Harm gently settled himself on the edge of the double bed, next to where Mac was sleeping. He set the tray down on the bedside table and just contented himself to watch her as she slept, stretched out under a thin cotton sheet. Her dark hair streamed out over the pillow around her head and Harm found himself fighting the urge to lie down beside her and take her into his arms.

"Would it really be so bad; one little cuddle?" he asked himself.

'Ah, but would it just end at that?' his subconscious pointed out, 'Can you really trust yourself where Mac is concerned?'

"Of course!" Harm internally scoffed, "She's my best friend and I respect her more than anyone else I know!"

'Ah,' his subconscious exclaimed, gleefully, 'then why the need to curl up in bed with her? Doesn't sound all that platonic and 'friendly' to me! Friendly with benefits, maybe, but…'

Harm quickly snuffed out the voice inside his head without regret or second thought and gently snuggled up beside Mac. Her soft skin tempted him to take her into his arms, but Harm only wanted some comfort that close contact would provide, not to wake her. She'd had such an early morning and she needed her sleep, with Dom's extravagant demands upon her!

Within a while, though, he couldn't resist running his fingers through her luscious hair and it was to this heavenly sensation that Mac awoke.

"Mmmm…" she smiled, asking, "Not that I'm complaining or anything…but what brought this on?"

"Just thought I'd bring you an after-nap snack and you looked so comfortable here, I thought I'd try it out, too…"

"Man after my own heart!" Mac joked and they both laughed aloud as her stomach grumbled in agreement.

Mac ignored her stomach for the time being and turned round to cuddle, face-to-face, with Harm. She buried her face into the expanse of his chest, breathing in the pleasant scent that had long served to both calm and arouse her, depending upon the situation. As long as she could remember, she'd gleefully taken each rare opportunity to savor it, when it presented itself.

'Seems that she's as happy to cuddle as I am,' Harm smiled inwardly as Mac crawled up his body, moving to wind her arms around him.

Anticipating her move, he dropped his own arms, to wrap them around her waist, but they brushed against her chest on their way down.

She gasped at the bolt of arousal shot through at the contact.

"Sorry," Harm apologized, thinking he'd hurt her, but before he had chance to pull away, Mac tightened her hold on him.

"It's okay," she assured him, "I'm just a little…sensitive."

Indeed, Harm could feel the alluring nubs straining against his chest. Rubbing up and down her back, both of them simultaneously thought about what pleasure it would bring, if he were to lean down and use his mouth and tongue on them.

That thought proved to bring about the event that effectively broke Mac's mood like a bucket of cold water and brought home to Harm just what they were getting themselves into.

"Wait! Harm…" Mac pushed away from Harm, blushing profusely and wrapping her arms around the wetness of her chest.

"Oh, Mac," Harm began to reassure her once he realized why she had pulled away, "It's okay…really…"

Mac quickly got up, leaving the bed and going to the chest of drawers where she kept her t-shirts and undergarments.

"Mac!"

Her reply came in the form of the bathroom door slamming.

Dominic woke up in his crib, crying in fright. Harm moved to take his son out of the crib and comfort him and it wasn't long before he was calm and drifting back to sleep once more.

Harm waited around until Mac emerged from the bathroom.

"What was that about?" he asked, softly.

"I just…This isn't something that I feel comfortable discussing, Harm," Mac shook her head, "It's all new to me…We aren't going to discuss this, okay?! Now go change. I'm going to go and wake Mattie, then start on lunch."

Harm gave a sigh and gave in, following Mac out of the room and then going to his own.

He stripped his shirt off, taking just a minute to lift it to his face and inhale the beautiful, maternal scent of her in the damp spots of the material.

'God, I hope this is normal!' Harm groaned inwardly, feeling very strange indeed.

If you would have asked him just a few months ago whether he would feel comfortable around a lactating female, he definitely would have answered in the negative. But now…not only did he feel comfortable around Mac, but he was actually curious to learn more about this wonderful secret between mother and baby…Was that wrong? Was it wrong to desire the beautiful woman nurturing his child? Especially while she was nurturing his child?! Did this make him depraved!? Harm was so confused!

'Mac always has meant more to you than any other friends and co-worker,' he reasoned, 'And you have more than just a passing interest in Dominic. Biologically speaking, he's your nephew and it's become your job to be a Father to him, now. Of course you're going to take an interest in all that goes on with him…and be concerned for Mac. It's probably just hormones. You're both experiencing events that are eliciting all sorts of involuntary responses.'

He quickly replaced his shirt and made his way out to the dining room.

OOOO


	21. Chapter 21

OOOO

Part 21

"I'm sorry that I over-reacted, this morning…" Mac apologized, when she and Harm were able to find some time to themselves, later that night.

Mattie had gone to bed and Dominic was sleeping in Mac's room.

"Mac, there's nothing for you to apologize for," Harm stopped her, "If there's anything you want to talk about, I'm always there, but I know that there are some things you'd just as soon ask Harriet, because she's both a woman and a mother herself. Don't feel you have to share anything you're not comfortable talking about. I totally understand…"

"Thank you for all of your support, Harm," Mac took his hand in hers, squeezing it, bringing it to her cheek, "You're my best friend and normally I'd feel comfortable sharing a great deal with you…but some things are just too new to talk about…just yet. Maybe once things aren't quite so strange…It's funny, Harriet says that after giving birth to their children, there aren't many secrets between her and Bud anymore! Of course, things aren't quite so straight-forward, seeing as we're not involved and Dominic and Mattie are our children through fostering and adoption…"

'I'll say,' Harm thought to himself.

He was really glad that Mac had Harriet to talk to, but there was nobody he felt he could confide in or seek advice from. Bud was a Father, but Harm knew from experience that he was sometimes uncomfortable talking about matters too close to home and he didn't think that he could bring himself to seek Harriet's advice. Other than Bud and Harriet, Harm didn't know anybody well enough, other than his Mother, who had gone through the trials and tribulations of child-rearing. But talking about one's sexual relationships to one's Mother and relating it to her own with your deceased Father or your Stepfather…That was just too weird!

Harm made a mental note to turn his search online. Maybe there were websites for emotionally clueless fellow new fathers, such as him!

OOOO

"Are you okay, Ma'a…Mac?" Harriet remembered in time that they weren't at the workplace.

"Yeah, just tired, I guess…" Mac shook her head, as if to clear all of the disquieting thoughts that had been preoccupying her mind.

"Are you sure that's all it is?" Harriet now had a sixth sense when it came to Mac and she knew that her friend wasn't mentioning something important.

As a mother, she had been in the same place, herself, "There's nothing that could possibly shock me, you know…"

"Did you ever…have a problem with…with leaking?" Mac asked, her voice quiet, but the confused expression on her face conveyed the importance of this question.

"Only at the most inopportune moments possible," Harriet smiled, "I lost count of the number of shirts I completely soaked, in the weeks after the babies were born. It's embarrassing, but as a nursing mother, it's all part of the job!"

"How about…while you're in bed, when you've just woken up?"

"Sure!" Harriet laughed, recalling, "The number of times that Bud and I have woken almost swimming! You wouldn't think that there was enough in there to soak a queen-sized bed, but it's happened!"

"What does Bud think if this happens?"

He'll usually sleep right up until I wake him, so I can change the sheets," Harriet shrugged, "But we try and keep it all light-hearted. It's no big issue between committed partners. We've had to deal with worse. And I know through experience that there is nothing I can't ask Bud, nothing that he wouldn't support me with. "

Therein lay the problem; she and Harm may be partners at work, but they weren't partners in the sense that mattered. Sure, they were raising a child and a teenager together, but they had been literally thrown into the deep end. They had never had the chance to become comfortable around each other physically and emotionally and they had never had the chance to learn just what becoming parents would entail. If this had been their own child, they'd have become comfortable with being intimate before conceiving, would have had the pre-natal classes so they'd know exactly what to expect before and after birth. This was all so complicated! Harriet had loaned them all sorts of baby books, so that they could 'catch up', so to speak. But there were so many things that weren't touched upon in these books, such as surrogate breastfeeding, controlling lactation while one was not nursing and raising children with somebody who wasn't a sexual partner, but who you secretly wished was...Her hormones were all over the place and she wasn't sure at all what to feel about all of these sensations, feelings and all of the strange things that were happening to her.

"I usually have a towel or something handy by the bed, just in case I get a bit of let-down…I've been told by other Mothers that you can get things that stop the flow of milk when you're not nursing, but why would I want to do that? I don't think it would help the flow of milk to be kept inside. If anything, you'd want to express it; it helps encourage the production of new milk, doesn't it?" Harriet jabbered on, while Mac mulled over her own situation.

Harm hadn't appeared to be too bothered by the little incident. But he was an incredibly supportive person and he was probably hiding his initial reaction. This was all so awkward!

Unfortunately, by the time that Harriet left, Mac didn't have many answers to her initial questions and she had even more new questions than when Harriet had arrived….

OOOO


	22. Chapter 22

OOOO

Part 22

One thing was clear…things could not go on as they were. Over the next week, Mac had been avoiding any physical contact with him (although it was subconscious on her part) and Harm felt more and more upset…He had never gone this long without touching her, aside from when one of them were away on assignment or away from JAG and he had never realized just how much he would miss it, while still being around her, being able to see her every day.

The tension between them had not gone unnoticed by Mattie and she was trying her best to stay out of the impending conflict, which wasn't all that easy, considering her condition and her impaired ability to remove herself, physically.

"Can I help with anything?" Harm asked tentatively, putting his head in the kitchen door, as Mac prepared the dinner.

"No, I'm fine," Mac shook her head, "It'll be ready in about fifteen minutes…"

This felt like another rejection to Harm, who already felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach. He was close to the end of his tether, but knew that he shouldn't take it out on Mac. She felt the way she felt and nothing he felt would change that…It wasn't fair of him to expect otherwise…but where did that leave him?

"Harm? Where you going?!" Mattie asked when she saw him forcefully push away from the doorframe and stalk to the front door.

Mac emerged from the kitchen when she heard Harm's car start up in the driveway.

"Where's Harm?" she turned to Mattie, who just pointed to the front door.

"I just told him that dinner was nearly ready! Where on earth is he going?!"

Mattie could only shake her head. These two really were perplexing!

OOOO

"Commander! What a pleasant surprise, Sir! What are you doing here? Not that it's not good to see you, of course…" Bud greeted the last person he had expected at his door at that time of night.

"Hi Bud…I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Harm asked, hesitantly.

"No we've already finished dinner, Sir…I was loading the dishwasher, but I'm sure that can wait…Is there something wrong, Commander?" Bud could see in Harm's appearance that something was definitely not right with his superior officer.

"Would it be okay if I came in, Bud?" Harm asked, "I have some pretty intense questions and you're the only person who could help me out…"

"Of course, Sir!" Bud exclaimed, realizing that Harm was still standing on his doorstep.

"Harriet, Honey?" he led Harm through to the den, where his wife was sitting, "Would you mind giving the Commander and me a few minutes?"

"Oh, of course not," Harriet shook her head, trying not to let her surprise show, "I have to bathe the twins, anyway…"

Once they had the area to themselves, Bud got them both a drink and settled them down on the couch.

"What's troubling you, Sir?"

Bud quickly caught Harm's frown, in reaction to the term 'Sir.'

"Uh, I mean Harm…If there's anything I can do to help, I will."

Harm gave a big sigh, knowing what he wanted to ask, but not sure how to phrase it. He didn't want to overwhelm Bud…

"Did Harriet ever have a problem, after she'd had the children, where…where she didn't want you to touch her?"

Bud's jaw dropped open, but he quickly caught himself, trying furiously to come up with some sort of answer that would help his friend.

"Uh, no, I don't think so…How do you mean? Maybe if I can understand what the problem you're having is, then I can be of more help…"

Harm sighed and related a short version of the whole situation to Bud.

"I mean, you know that Mac and I are good friends, Bud. We're not overly friendly, but we've certainly never shied away from any physical contact. But the other day, when I hugged her and she was hugging me back…her, uh…her milk started to…come through. She pulled away from me and ever since, she's refused any sort of contact at all. I'm at a total loss as to what to do, because our situation is unlike anything discussed in any of the books that you and Harriet gave us to read…"

"Okay," Bud had never thought he'd be discussing something like this with one of his mentors, but now that the time had come, Bud rose to the challenge admirably, "Exactly how did she react when this actually happened? What did she say to you?"

"She just seemed embarrassed. She pushed me away, had her arms wrapped around herself and she ran off into the bathroom to change her shirt. Later on, she said that she's just getting to grips with everything that's happening to her and that she's not able to talk about any of it yet…She's just not comfortable…But she keeps rejecting my…my attention…She's never been like that, not even when she was engaged to Bugme…"

Bud thought hard about his own experience with Harriet and he could honestly say that she'd never been that way with him. Even after baby Sarah died, she'd concentrated on her relationship with her husband, knowing that it was important to keep that flame burning, while they both took the time to heal their wounds.

"Um, have you asked her anything about this, Harm? About the lack of contact, I mean…"

"How can I?" Harm asked, "She's already told me that she's not comfortable discussing any of the things that have been happening to her and I don't see what else could have caused all of this… this coldness on her part. It's not like her and it only began after the, uh…the incident…"

"Okay…" Bud considered, "And you haven't found anything in those books we gave you, about what she experienced? I'm pretty sure that's normal…In fact, I'm pretty certain it is."

Harm shook his head.

"Have you tried looking online?"

"Aw, I'm no good at that, Bud!" Harm complained, "I've tried, but I just don't know what to look for. What search terms should I use? I know about the processes involved in breastfeeding, but mostly nothing is mentioned about what problems are experienced when _not_ breastfeeding…"

"If I may, Harm, I think Harriet would be the best person to ask about this…I understand if you're uncomfortable about bringing this up with her, but as a woman who has nursed babies herself, I think she'd provide a good first-hand perspective on the matter. And I assure you, you can trust her to keep it to herself…"

Harm soon conceded that he had little choice. He felt like he was going crazy over this. But the stress headache that had manifested itself some time before had now eased up, now that he had voiced his fears aloud, at least once.

As soon as Harriet understood what the problem was, she exclaimed, "Oh, of course I won't say anything…"

She pulled him into a motherly embrace, thinking about how obvious the problems were, now that she could look back on them with the aid of hindsight. Looking like a little lost boy, Harm let her hold him, feeling incredibly close to tears, now.

"Don't you start questioning your sanity; of course it's perfectly normal that you'd want some sort of involvement with Dom's care. He's your son, that's perfectly natural, even if it is your best friend providing that care for him. But yours and Mac's relationship isn't all that conventional. It's not totally surprising that she doesn't seem comfortable about sharing that with you…It's a hazard of your type of relationship, I guess…"

Harm mumbled, "Tell me about it…" but Harriet continued, "It's just a case of slowly becoming comfortable around each other. I think Mac is trying to avoid these issues, like she has done other challenging matters…Have you tried to talk to her?"

"She doesn't want to talk about it," Harm looked close to despair, "I know the whole thing must have been embarrassing, but from what I've garnered, it's normal for this to happen to a woman who is breastfeeding…She knows I'm willing to talk about anything she's having difficulty dealing with…But she's just shutting me out, Harriet."

"I'm so sorry that you're feeling so unhappy; I know you want to give her support on this," Harriet consoled him, "I can only suggest that you try understand that it's awkward for her, but everything that's happening to her is absolutely normal, perfectly natural and keep letting her know you're there, if she needs your support. But she isn't going to approach you until she's ready…Give me some time and let me see if I can find some information for you, something that you can read at your leisure that may go some way to giving the answers you're looking for…"

It wasn't much but it was the best Harm would get, for the moment. He already felt a bit better for sharing his problems, though.

OOOO


	23. Chapter 23

AN: You didn't think that the angst was over, did you? You know you love it! Thanks so much for all of the great reviews! Enjoy! There should be another 2 chapters after this...

OOOO

Part 23

"Where have you been?"

Harm kept his answers vague, not knowing quite what to say to Mac. He didn't want to let her know that he'd confided in someone else about their problems, he would end up hurting her feelings and damaging what little trust they'd managed to build, by doing so.

"I just needed some fresh air…"

"You've been gone for nearly two hours, Harm…I almost had dinner ready."

"I'm sorry…I just wasn't hungry."

"You could have let me know. Mattie and I sat around waiting for you, before we decided to go ahead ourselves…"

Harm bit back the impulse to tell her that she was hardly the poster-child for communication, herself. A fight was the last thing they needed, right now.

"I'm sorry, I…I guess I'm just tired, more than anything…I think I'll go to bed, now."

OOOO

Although Harm began to withdraw from Mac over the following days, he took his job as 'Dad' very seriously, throwing himself into this role to keep his mind off things.

He often went into Dominic's room when he heard the baby awaken. Although he obviously couldn't provide nourishment in the same way that Mac could, he could still provide a bottle that was almost as good. And he spent a lot of time with Mattie and took her to and from her PT sessions.

"Is everything okay?" Mattie would ask, on each occasion.

Harm simply replied, "Everything's great, sweetie. You worked incredibly hard, today!"

He'd pick her hand up in his and squeeze it. Mattie could tell he was proud of her, but knew that he himself was not happy. She was old enough to know that even the most loved kids just could not make their parents completely happy. It didn't work that way and there was noting she could do to make her surrogate father happy in his own life. She could give him some enjoyment as a Father, but not as a person. That was down to him. But she silently wished that there was more that she could do.

OOOO

"Hey buddy," Mac watched inconspicuously from the bedroom doorway as Harm attended to Dominic, "Daddy's really missed you, today."

He had been in court all day and then he needed to go and take Mattie to and from PT, so Mac didn't begrudge him this time with his son. She'd had Dominic to herself all day.

"Oh, my amazing little boy! I love you, Dom….Daddy loves you so much…Do you know that? "

Mac couldn't help thinking, though that she wished he'd say 'I love you' to her…Harm hadn't been talking to her the same over the last week or so and it hurt…he'd never been this way with her, not since the aftermath of Paraguay, when he was working for The Company. But she knew she'd have to come to accept that he'd never see her in that way, not in the same way she saw him...How had she ever thought that he would?

OOOO

"Ma'am, is something bothering you?" Harriet couldn't hold her concern in any longer, "Is there anything I can help you with?"

Mac had returned to work only three days before and Harriet could tell that not only was she finding it hard to leave Dominic in daycare, but that all was not well in the MacKenzie-Rabb household, either.

"No thanks, Harriet…Dismissed…" Mac dismissed her, robotically.

Shutting Mac's office door behind her, Harriet made her way back to her desk in the bullpen just in time to catch the beginning of the General's tirade, audible even out here. It seemed that the poor Commander wasn't having a good day, either.

"And just what explanation do you have for that royal screw-up in the court-room, Commander?! I've already had Judge Helfmann on the line and you're barely even back in the office!"

"No excuse, Sir…I can only assure the General that nothing like that will ever happen again, Sir…"

"You're damn right it won't! Or I'll have you reviewing the annual budget before you can say, 'Aye Sir!' Now get out of my sight, before I change my decision to leave you on this case. In fact, get out of Headquarters altogether, for the night!"

Harriet watched the pale-faced, shell-shocked Commander make his way out of Cresswell's inner-office and back into his own, closing the door and the blinds behind him.

'How much more can he possibly take?' Harriet wondered, piteously, close to tears. She'd done her best to help Harm, both with personal counselling and by passing on internet resources, but she could see that Harm's heart wasn't really in it. He was hurting and the last thing she tought he'd do was open himself up to any more hurt.

She turned to see that Mac had also come to her doorway, to see what was going on. Mac stood rooted to the spot, seemingly torn between going to Harm and shutting herself away in her office again.

"Ma'am," Harriet chanced her luck, telling Mac this while they were still on duty, "You need to talk to him…He's as confused and is hurting just as much as you are…You two just have different ways of expressing it…He needs help and you're the only person with the power to give what he needs…"

Mac remained silent while Harriet told her this, looking between the lieutenant and her partner's office.

"Go and help him, Ma'am…It's a two-way street; he wants to be there for you, too…"

Mac unsurely made her way to his office door, wondering whether to just enter, or give a warning knock, first…They were in the office, but this whole mess didn't get more personal.

She eventually took a fortifying breath and forged on.

"Harm?" her heart ached as she caught sight of him in his office chair, holding his head in his hands as he tried in vain to keep the tears back. She crossed to where he sat, crouching down in front of him. She was surprised when her hand shook, then froze in mid-air, as she went to touch him…What was she hesitating for!? And how long had it been since she touched him in this way? Why did it feel so alien? It worried her that she couldn't remember much of the detail of the last two weeks.

Forcing her body to comply, she completed the gesture, putting her hand to his shoulder then lifting the other to touch his face around where one of his own hands was planted.

"Harm?" she asked again, and this time Harm heard her through his inner turmoil.

"I don't know what's happening to me, Mac," he whispered, tearfully, "I don't know why I feel the way I do, all I know is that it's beginning to eat me up inside…"

"Oh, Harm," Mac framed his face with her soft hands.

"I'm sorry that it's making you unhappy, I know you're not ready for it, but I can't help the way I feel…I don't think I can go on like this…I know that this isn't working, Mac. I want the best for our son, but I can't go on this way…"

Mac's breath stilled in her chest…What was he saying?

"I think it would be better if I moved out…I'll see if my old apartment is still vacant, but I'll still pay towards to mortgage on the house…You won't have to worry about money at all and I'll be by every chance I get, to spend time with Mattie and Dominic."

This couldn't be happening! Mac saw it unfolding before her very eyes, yet she found herself unable to say anything. It was as if her lips had turned to stone. The word, 'No' formed in her mind, but that was as far is she came to protesting.

Before she could say which way was up, she found herself alone in Harm's office. He had headed out the door and straight home.

"I have to stop him!" Mac murmured to herself, spurring herself into action.

She hurried past a concerned looking Harriet, quickly getting her things together before heading out. The elevator was gone, so she just headed straight for the stairs, unmindful of the state of shock that the rest of the staff in the bullpen had been left in. Her every thought was now riveted on Harm.

Rushing to her car, she saw that his parking space next to her was empty and the smell of burnt tires that still lingered told her that he hadn't spared the pedal.

OOOO


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Sorry about the mistake with the last chapter! Have been functioning on very little sleep this last week! Okay, I know you've been waiting for the warm fuzzies; the angst won't last too much longer! Thanks for all of the fantastic reviews and messages to let me know when I goof! (c: The next chapter will be the last...Enjoy!

OOOO

Part 24

An hour and two traffic jams later, Mac had lost every hope of catching Harm. If he hadn't been caught in either one of those jams (And it was sod's law that he hadn't, wasn't it?) he'd probably be long-gone by now. There wasn't a light on in the empty house and Mac didn't pay any mind to the darkness. It looked just like she felt inside.

Dropping her house-keys on the dining table, she morbidly went to go and survey how his room looked, with all of his belongings gone. To her surprise, she found it in a state of disarray, his belongings were half packed, but still very much there.

Confused, she looked into hers; still neat and ordered and no Harm present.

She went to look into the kitchen, believing it unlikely that he'd be in Mattie's room. His still form was seated at the kitchen table, still and unmoving. When she got closer, she saw that he was looking over something that seemed to have arrived by mail, that day; at least that was what the empty envelope beside him suggested.

"He's ours…" his voice was strangely monotone as he held out the letter from Sergei's lawyer, "All we have to do is sign…"

"I want him," Mac struggled to find the right words, "I want him…and Mattie and I want…I want _you_. I want you and this house and what we've had these past months. I don't want to live without that, anymore…"

"I can't, Mac," Harm shook his head, "It's too painful…"

"Please," her eyes searched for contact with his own, trying to get her true feelings across to him, "I know that I've been all over the place these past weeks, but so much has been going on…I know I haven't been sharing things, haven't been myself, but I'll try to do better…"

"Mac…I care for you, but it's more than obvious that you don't feel that way and I'm not going to make you feel something you obviously don't…"

"But I do…I just have a hard time showing it…I'm sorry that I place more importance on words and declarations, instead of looking for the sentiments in actions, but I grew up trying to avoid and ignore the actions of my parents. Their actions told me that they despised me and that I was nothing to them and I couldn't deal with that…I had to cling to the possibility that I was at least likeable…Their words could sometimes be interpreted many ways, I could fool myself into thinking they at least had some affection for me by the ambiguous things they said. But their actions never gave me any positive reinforcement…please, Harm, please look at me…"

Harm finally managed to lift his gaze to meet hers and not only did he see desperation there; desperation and panic like he'd been feeling in the last few weeks, but also something deeper, something more heartfelt…Could it be love?

"I want to be with you…I don't just want to be a Mom to Mattie and Dominic, I want to be a partner to you. I want to work with you and come home to you; cook for you and cuddle with you…fall asleep with you and wake up with you. All these new things that are happening to my body, though…It sometimes catches me off-guard and I don't know how to deal with it and nobody ever tells you things like that in the baby books! Especially not how an adoptive, nursing mother should react when she gets aroused by her almost-partner and proceeds to leak breast-milk all over him! I just get incredibly self-conscious…"

"It's okay, Sarah," Harm finally made contact, urging her into his arms, "I know that I can't tell you things you want to know; things about breast-feeding or taking care of a recovering preemie and an injured teenager. I know that I don't know what is normal to experience after you begin nursing and you're right…They never tell you about any of this! Why isn't all of this in the literature for preparing adoptive parents? Why do we have circumstances that don't really fit into any kind of category? But I do know one thing…I know what it is to love somebody more than my own life. I know because that's what I'm feeling just now, sitting here looking at you. And I'm hoping it's enough for you, because I don't want to be anywhere but here, with you. We can muddle through all of that other stuff, but can't we do it together? I just want to have it all with you…I love you."

Mac answered in a way that would best suit Harm. He had given her the words that she wanted to hear and now, it was her turn. She plunged her lips onto his, cradling his face between her hands, pouring every ounce of emotion that she had locked up inside of her into the gesture. It took on a life of its own and Mac found herself in Harm arms, on their way to his bedroom.

"Mine," she gently alerted him, "Your bed is covered in bags and clothes."

"Which are all going straight back into the drawers and cupboards," He assured her.

"Glad to hear it!" she smiled, before getting back to the heavenly task of kissing him senseless.

"You sure this is okay?" she asked, unsurely, as he unbuttoned her uniform blouse to find her very un-marine-like maternity bra, underneath.

"Yeah, just as long as you're comfortable with it…I know it's new to you and all, but I want to be a part of it. Why don't we deal with it together?"

"Okay," Mac nodded, moving in to kiss him again and pulling him down with her onto the bed.

Things got very heated, very fast and there was no place Mac would rather be, but she noted with regret what time her internal gave her, when she fleetingly consulted it.

"Oh, damn…Stop, Harm…Wait…"

"It's okay, Sweetie, really…Why don't we just grab a towel?"

"No, it's not that…It's just time to go for Mattie and Dom…"

"Damn!" he cursed, as well.

"Yeah, I know…" Mac reluctantly pulled away, giving him one last, heartfelt kiss, "I should probably go and get cleaned up, quickly, or we'll be late…Would you go and get Dominic's diaper bag?"

Harm dutifully went to do so and while Mac changed out of her now sodden maternity bra. She grabbed a clean one, inserting some cotton maternity pads into it, because her let-down didn't seem to be stopping. With a clean shirt and a pair of jeans on, she and Harm were good to go. He was waiting for her at the front door, holding out his hand, as she stepped into her shoes. She slipped her hand into his and didn't let go, until they had to climb into the car. They didn't even think about who would drive, they just slipped comfortably into whatever eventuality came naturally.

OOOO

Mattie was incredibly relieved to find that the air between her caregivers had cleared substantially, when they came to pick her up, holding hands like a pair of teenagers!

'Well thank goodness for that!' was her last conscious thought as she leaned her weary head against the window, falling fast asleep.

"Looks like Mattie's conked out on us!" Mac smiled, as she looked around, ten minutes later, dropping her volume as she added, "If we can just get the other one to bed early, perhaps we'll have some time to ourselves…"

Harm didn't miss the glint that sparkled in her eye.

He pushed the accelerator down just a bit further!

OOOO


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Okay, here's the last chapter! I'm warning now, this chapter is VERY M RATED! NOT ONE FOR THE KIDS!! Hope you guys have enjoyed this...It has been one of my more...'out there' stories, but I figure that if a fanfic writer doesn't challenge her/himself, then there's no chance of improving one's skills. As always, thanks so much for the great reviews! And thanks go to my excellent beta-reader, Annette, for tolerating all of my crazy musings! Enjoy!

OOOO

Part 25

"C'mon little man," Harm urged his son, gently, "Give Mom and Dad a break, just for this one evening…You're usually fast asleep by now. Why not tonight, huh? You know that your Mommy and I have plans, don't you?"

Mac came in to let Harm know that Mattie was fast asleep.

"No joy with this one?" she asked.

"Nope…Think he knows that he's interrupting! Maybe he wants our attention all for himself?"

"Maybe," Mac smiled, moving to take Dominic from Harm while asking, "How about if Mommy tries to get this little one to sleep, huh? Maybe a little snack will lull him into the land of dreams."

"Are you hungry, Mac?" Harm automatically went to give Mac some privacy, "I could get us something to eat…"

"Actually, I'm not," Mac shook her head, adding, "and unless you are, I'd actually like you to stay…If that's okay with you, that is…"

"Yeah," Harm couldn't help but smile, "I'd like to…Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Mac held Dominic in one arm, as she undid the buttons of her shirt.

"Let me help you with that…" Harm hastened to her side and helped her out of the blouse, stroking her soft skin as he did so.

"Let's get comfortable on the bed," Mac suggested and Harm helped her get settled down with Dominic, before making his way around the bed to sit beside them.

"He looks hungry," Harm noted, watching as his son looked around, seemingly searching for his lunch.

Mac got the supplimenter all set up and removed the panel in her nursing bra to get the supplimeter tube taped in place. Harm kept quiet while she did what she needed to, but it was for her own comfort, not indicative of any lack of his own. He wanted to tell her that he'd never seen anything so incredibly beautiful in his life. And as she lifted Dominic to her breast and got him latched on, Harm thought his heart was going to beat right out of his chest.

"Does it hurt you, when he's feeding?" he asked, curiously.

"If he's latched on right, no, but he's been known give me a nip or two," Mac chuckled, "The supplimenter makes sure he gets enough so that he doesn't feel the need to start chewing or anything."

Harm winced and lifted a hand to stroke the back of her neck.

"Is this okay?" he asked quickly, not sure if she liked being touched while she was feeding the baby; she was no doubt very sensitive and Harm was sensitive to what she might be feeling.

"Yeah," Mac smiled at his thoughtfulness, "that's okay… I actually like it…Mmm, those muscles get kinda sore…It's been such a long day."

Harm softly rubbed and kneaded the tense muscles, feeling them relax under his careful manipulations, trying to convey as much of his love in the actions as he could.

"It's so great to get him home, each day," Harm added, looking back to their son, "Mattie too…It really feels like a family household once all of us are home…"

"I'm so glad you decided to stay," Mac confessed to him softly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I couldn't leave you," Harm told her, "Even partially-packing that suitcase hurt so much. I was trying to find anything else that needed to be done rather than carrying on packing. That's why I began to check the mail…I meant what I said; I love you, Mac and I love our kids…There's nothing I want more than to be with you guys…"

"I love you too, Harm," Mac's eyes caught with his and they smiled beamingly at each other before she lifted her face to his, as he dropped a kiss to her lips.

What was meant to be a short, controlled but heartfelt kiss became drawn-out, passionate and nothing short of toe-curling.

Knowing that now was hardly the time to start something, Harm pulled away, but cradled and caressed Mac's cheek within his gentle palm, so that she knew just how cherished she was. She cuddled into his side, so Harm wrapped his arms around her and Dominic, effectively holding them both in his arms.

Harm and Mac actually watched Dominic in silence for over an hour and a half, after he stopped feeding and drifted off the sleep. Finally, Mac lifted him away, passing him to Harm so he could settle their boy into his crib. She sorted her clothes again, though Harm reminded her, with hungry kisses to her neck that he didn't intend on leaving them in place for much longer. Taking her hand, he led her into his room, where they made short work of clearing all of his clothes and belongings off the bed, though they didn't have the patience to put them away into the drawers and cupboards. They had far more pressing matters to take care of!

Harm smoothed his hands over each inch of her skin that he uncovered, murmuring words of love, as Mac ran her fingers up through the short hair at the back of his neck, over and over again. They both were covered with goose-bumps; their skin hyper-sensitive in their super-aroused state.

Harm picked her up in his arms and lifted her onto the center of his bed, going to check that the lock was engaged on the door before coming back and lying beside her, instantly taking her into his arms as she crawled to him. Her mouth opened compliantly and her tongue mated with his, each of them savoring the taste of the other.

"Can I…Are you too sensitive?" Harm asked, encompassing her belly with his palms, wanting so much to slide them upwards.

"No, go on," Mac urged him, thrusting herself into his hands as he slid them over her.

He began to slide his fingers under the material of her maternity bra, but she halted him.

"No…just…Leave it on…just for now…"

He went back to his delicious ministrations as per her request. She seemed to be enjoying it just fine this way, so it didn't bother Harm in the least.

After turning her gently, to face away from him, he molded his body around hers, while his lips and mouth were feasting on her neck and shoulders. Who would have thought that he, a vegetarian, would develop such a hunger for her soft, firm skin?!

Pretty soon, it was not enough for Mac. She wriggled around in his arms, lifting and locking her own around his neck, her legs wrapping around his waist, rocking against him in a rhythm that matched his own from the very first.

"Oh, Sarah!" he growled.

"Oh Harm," she moaned, "I'm…I'm getting so…"

"It's okay, Honey," he assure her, "we'll just grab a towel…"

"That wasn't what I meant…Though I think we will need that towel, too…"

Indeed, Mac's bra was getting a bit soggy. Harm leaned over the edge of the bed to grab a towel off the floor.

"Let's get this off you," he suggested, moving to undo the clasp at the back of the garment.

Shucking it off, Mac dropped it to the side of the bed, before returning to Harm's arms. He gently patted her dry with the soft towel, mindful to be gentle on her sensitive skin. The sensation was certainly noticed and Mac was soon fervently kissing Harm again, with renewed passion. Harm worked his way out of his pants, before welcoming Mac's weight on top of him. Now he was just down to his boxers and with the towel at hand, she seemed much more comfortable with allowing him access to her beautiful body.

"Just tell me if it gets too much…" Harm requested. A groan and Mac's writhing against him indicated that the sensations he was rending were glorious.

"Oh, Mac…I just…I have to know…"

Harm he dropped his hand downward, rubbing circles over her lower ribcage, down her stomach and further south from there.

Mac gasped as she felt the gentleness of his fingers.

"Yes," Mac virtually hiccupped, as he found the perfect rhythm, "Just there…Just like that!"

Since had found a pattern that worked particularly well for her, Harm kept it up, keeping the tempo steady. He was rewarded and amazed by her enthusiastic response and that of her body.

He saw Mac's concern out of the corner of is eyes, but urged her, "It's okay, don't worry about it, Baby…Just let go and enjoy yourself…"

"But…" Mac fretted only for another second or two, before Harm's skilled fingers cast her worries to the wind.

"Yes, Sarah, yes…That's it," Harm smiled as he saw from Mac's clouded eyes that she was close to climax and he wanted to bring that to her, "Come for me, Sweetheart…"

Without further encouragement, Harm felt her whole body tensed against him and his upper chest felt a trickling sensation down his chest.

Mac panted, as the aftershocks shot through her body and Harm didn't stop his gentle stroking until the last tremor had left her body and her muscles finally relaxed.

At first, she could only stare at the sight of Harm's soggy chest hair in silence and for a minute, Harm was dreading that Mac would withdraw from him, again. But she thought about what Harriet had told her about such potentially embarrassing situations.

"Sarah, Honey…" he began, before Mac cut him off with a grin.

"What, you expect me to have the presence of mind to warn you when you're doing _that_ to me?" She laughed, "What did you expect me to say? Duck?"

"Take cover," Harm corrected, laughing himself, before pulling Mac to him and thoroughly ravishing her, amidst giggles and laughter.

"My God," Harm exclaimed when their tickles yielded to heavy passion, once more and he couldn't help nudging his hips against hers, "I've never seen such a fine example of the amazing female form in my life…"

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Flyboy," Mac purred against his ear, kneading his buttocks beneath his boxer shorts, "Oh Harm…It's time…"

Helping him to push the last restriction away, Mac pushed forward to take him within her, nuzzling his face with hers at the sensation of them becoming one.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, her eyes reflexively drifting shut, while Harm was gritting his teeth, so he wouldn't lose it before they'd both had much time to enjoy it.

"You're so amazing!" he marveled, capturing her mouth in a wet, lustful kiss.

Indeed, Mac did feel like an amazing woman. She had a family, a position of power in her workplace and now a partner who made her feel more alive than she ever had in the whole of her life.

"You're the one who helps me to feel so amazing," she told him, in an intimate whisper, "You're my other half, you complete me…I don't ever want to stop doing this with you…"

"I'll do this with you until the day we die, as long as that's what you want," he promised her.

They were perfectly synchronized and both knew that this was a good indicator that their fate was intertwined.

"You and me?" she smiled, drowsy with the feel-good hormones, staring deeply into his blue eyes, just like he was doing with hers, "Forever?"

"Forever," Harm confirmed, "Wherever our journey may take us…"

When the world around them splintered into pieces, they clung to each other, safe in the knowledge that whatever life would bring them, along their journey, they would face it head-on, together.

FIN


	26. A Little Author's Note

AN:

Hi! Sorry to disappoint you, but this IS NOT an update…I just wanted to respond to a review sent directly to my email address, which did not leave a return email addy and I can't find any such fanfiction author, here. The email's author asked some questions about my fic that I thought other readers would have thought of, at some point, while reading the story.

I LOVE responding to reviews, it doesn't matter how critical they are; I'm not one to take criticism sorely. I must point out, that this review was in no way critical, merely curious and the individual who authored it seemed keen not to offend me…Let me just say, I'm rarely offended, so please don't think I am, just because I haven't been able to get back to you! I was out of town for a bit then Christmas came, so everything of course became mental!

Anyway, the question this person had was; "Where did you come up with the idea for 'The Drive Home?"

The inspiration for this fic came from two sources;

I LOVE 'Harm, Mac and their kids'-type fics…Most of my favourite fics are such stories. I love to see authors push the boundaries of creating such fics, making them stand out in a genre of plenty, particularly if they include many details (I'm a detail-freak…Have you noticed?!) and the more obstacles that are involved, the better! I love to see Harm and Mac overcome the obstacles in order to achieve their dream of that 4 percent miracle, particularly as The Powers That Be left that so unresolved, at the end of the series. And I don't mean to step on Anybody's toes, I just think there is plenty of room the play in the Sandbox!

The subject of inducing lactation/relactation was covered during my classes in child development, which was one of the subjects I chose to take for my IGCSEs and the subject and my teacher REALLY didn't leave anything out! I can pretty much say that the whole thing was very detailed, very graphic…I like details and I also like to think I took this in my stride, but then again, I've not had kids, yet, so maybe there's a reason for this! LOL! Aside from this, I have quite a bit of professional experience with and knowledge of kids, even I don't have any of my own. Biology was part of the higher subjects for my IB diploma and I also have a degree in psychology with an interest in developmental psychology, so I suppose my knowledge of pregnancy and childbirth is about as broad as it is ever going to be, without actually having any kids! ;D

Of course, friends who have experienced the whole thing proved to be an incredible help, especially as they were kind enough to answer very frankly, despite the very nosy questions! I have some great friends! Some of them have gone through pregnancy, some have adopted older children, but so far I have not come across anyone I know who has decided to breastfeed an adopted child. I have friends who do know such adoptive parents (but have not met them myself) and I must say, I was in total awe of what I have learnt about the subject….I think it is FANTASTIC and AMAZING!


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